Four Naked Women, Vodka on Tap and a Hot Tub

Nudity, drunkenness and hot tubing with four ladies, is the recent allegation against Ashton Kutcher. 

The media has focused on the possible downfall of Ashton and Demi Moore’s marriage with news of his alleged infidelity and their odd public tweets.

According to ABC News , Ashton tweeted, “When you ASSUME to know that which you know nothing of you make an A[**] out of U and ME” .  Early Thursday morning, Kutcher tweeted a link without comment, to his Spotify account, where he was playing the Public Enemy song “Don’t Believe the Hype.”

Demi took a tweet pic of her “naked back with the message, “remember…..you’ve got your own back.” She seemed more direct on Sept. 23, when she tweeted a quote from Greek philosopher Epictetus, writing, “When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”
On Monday, she wrote “I see through you….” and linked to a photo of herself lying down with her eyes closed, her mouth drawn in a line.”
These may be cryptic messages with the intent to spur the other, yet presenting them via public tweets says nothing about mature communication.
When I read the title “Four naked women, vodka on tap and a hot tub”, my first thought is Fun! Juicy!
Our society places such high standards on marital fidelity and how one ‘should’ behave while married; it seems near impossible to fulfill such standards particularly in our sex infused, adrenaline focused, immediate need gratification culture.
The society of the double edged sword: like it, want it, be it….oops we ‘caught’ you.
Life is full of temptations.
Resisting some of these temptations can be beneficial to ourselves and our partners.
Yet what temptations to resist and which to partake is to be defined within your relationship and not based upon societal/cultural/religious expectations placed upon you or your relationship.
Maybe Ashton and Demi support a purely monogamous relationship where nudity and sex with others is not supported.
What about more permeable marital boundaries,  enjoy the hot tub, the vodka, the beauty of the naked women with a policy of look but don’t touch, or even touch safely and with open communication.
Creating an open style marriage does not fully protect the other from betrayal or boundaries crossing yet it allows the opportunity for us to explore whether commitment and fidelity are synonymous and if its necessary to maintain fidelity to maintain a committed marriage.
Monogamy is nearly unattainable in the mind and can be difficult to practice.   This challenge is trumped up when one adds fame and fortune. 
Statistics show the significant amounts of infidelity that occur in marriages- anywhere between 30% to 50%, yet we continue to hold fidelity as the proof of a strong and successful marriage.
In the Demi/Ashton scenario,  I would suggest engaging in effective communication,  maintaining privacy and working to define what does and does not work for their marriage.
The rest of us could benefit from doing the same.
You and your partner decide if nudity, vodka and hot tubing work for you…..it does sound fun.

About Anton Therapy

As a psychotherapist specializing in sexual concerns, I believe that communication and compromise, with a playful and open attitude are key components to a healthy intimate life. I infuse compassion, enthusiasm and a collaborative approach in treatment that puts clients at ease in discussing such personal topics. I hope this blog helps to open your mind, promote healthy sex, and encourages you to have a desire for intimacy and life! View all posts by Anton Therapy

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