Sexting…..10 Tips

Oh the Joys of Sexting.

Urban Dictionary defines sexting as:

v: the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit.
Sexting can create a heightened sense of arousal and can be a great way to flirt and play with a partner or potential partner.
Its a way to share fantasies via words, pictures and even videos.
Actually its a great way to have ‘safe sex’ as no touching occurs, no ‘real’ sex that is; only electronic inspired horniness, erections, arousal, lubrication, panting, lusting and at times…. release.
In the Girls Guide to Sexy Text Messages  , the author suggests this sext as a way to really turn on your partner:

I could really get him over the edge with a sexy conversation starter like this one…

Me: “Hey babe. I just got out of the shower and started massaging my body lotion all over me. I got hot thinking about something you do to me…”

Him: “You know I love to do all kinds of things to you. Which one are you thinking of?”

Me: I’m thinking about how turned on I get when you start gently twisting my nipples with your magic fingers while you plant wet kisses behind my ears. I’m getting hot just thinking about it.”

Bleck….I’ll pass on the ‘magic fingers’!

I would not think many men would find this an ‘over the edge’ sext.  Maybe if she sent a video of her massaging the body lotion all over, or indicated exactly what she wanted him to do with his body or to hers, outside of wet kisses and magic fingers.

There are too many bad examples that are cheesy, too romantic and wishy washy.

Sexting is flirty, playful, direct, hot, and tempting.

An another example of a flirty yet non direct approach is:

Her: So I haven’t heard from you in a while
Me: Can’t stop thinking about me huh?
Her: You wish, something smelled bad in the trash and I thought of you
Me: Not surprised, you are a pretty filthy girl
Her: Only in bed
Me: Yeah maybe we will have another shot at that sometime. (If you are lucky)
Her: I wanna be lucky!
Me: I used to have a dog named lucky, If you want… I still have his collar
Her: Ruff Ruff!!!
Me: I think I might have to keep you away from the cat box
Her: ROLFL, shut up! That is so gross! My dog does that all the time.
Me: Okay, lucky the dog. Beg for me and I will see you on Saturday
Her: Already on my knees

Mademan, offers 10 Hot Girlfriend Sexting Examples, asking ‘What’s your fantasy?’, ‘When can I touch you again’, and requests of ‘Take a pic right outta the shower”, and even suggesting video recording your orgasm.

I’d say these are pretty direct ways to get a response.  Remember playful, hot, tempting.

Sexting requires some smarts as well.

There are no guarantees your pictures, videos and typed words will remain private and only with the intended party.   Upon researching others suggestions of smart sexting, most were related to shame oriented messages and guidelines targeting teens, yet I want to look at consensual adult sexting.

Here are my 10 recommended guidelines for sexting.

1) If your privacy isn’t guaranteed, consider Excluding your Face. (tattoos are another giveaway, you might want to place your hand over your distinct markings.)

2) If your in a relationship and its not okay to sext, don’t do it on your FB account. (ie. Anthony Weiner). You know, even if you are single, keep it off facebook.

And remember there are consequences for your actions even if you aren’t actually touching someone, your partner might consider it cheating.

Determine if its worth the risk.

You’re partner may be open to sexting as long as it stays in the ‘distance’ arena and doesn’t turn into a physical act. Sexting cannot only get you in hot water with your partner, it can ruin a reputation, a career,  and be pretty scandalous. 

Be Smart about it.  Understand timing, boundaries, and maintain self respect.

3) Please take a decent picture.

In the picture on the right, despite including her face, she looks playful, its flirty, not vulgar and you get to see how her breast look when she’s leaning back.

This lady on the left, left out her face and utilized a pose that flattered her figure.

  Both pictures look natural, not overly pose-y.

Don’t send pics where your privates aren’t trimmed/man-scaped, or your tummy rolls are showing. Pay attention to lighting as well.

Keep the camera out of the shot.

Look at your pic before sending it, most of us get 2 great pics out of 10 not so good ones.

Its about fantasy, not about reality where we may have razor burn, bumps and bruises.  Pay attention to what you send.

4) Know your audience, some people would roll their eyes if they received a picture of a penis, others may salivate.

5) No unsolicited sexting, if you think someone may be interested in a flirty sext, start small without sexual overtones to see if you get a response, then try a little more flirt. If you get a flirty response you can amp up the verbiage but remember only after you have a flirty text relationship.  No random or shocking texts to your audience if one hasn’t already been established.

6) Sext Sober , Drunk sex isn’t too much fun and this trumped up when it’s sexting: poor timing, unsolicitation, desperation, cheesy, bad pics, and annoyance tends to occur.

7) Sext words you would actually say, its disappointing when you have a playful sexting interaction yet are a dud in real life. Be spicy in the real world just as you world in the vitual world.

8) Establish what the ‘sexting relationship’ is about.  Don’t use sexting to lead someone on.  Many people struggle keeping sexting in the virtual plane and not engaging in real life sex.  If you’ve had sex with the person or want to have sex, plan to have more with them, and utilize sexting as a fun and arousing tool,  GREAT.  Plus I highly recommend it in marriages as its an easy way to add spice.

If you only plan on sexting from afar with no intentions to engage in real sex, let them know.  Hopes are easily crushed through a lack of communication and a mix up of expectations.

Sexting can create a facade of intimacy that may not turn into a real friendship or a relationship. (this is a trap many women get themselves into). Maintain realistic expectations of what sexting is all about. Sometimes when it gets ‘too real’ it removes the fun or even creates a defensive reaction of distance/avoidance.  If you’ve sexted and fantasized about this person yet have never engaged in sexual relations with them, you’re more than likely to have your bubble busted with reality.

9) Keep it Fun and Witty  Sexting is about flirtatiousness, temptations, and play.  Keep it playful and be witty, both you and your sexting partner will keep smiling. Its FUN remember!

10) Don’t Kill the Mood (according to GQ)
Here are ten things you should never text:
1) Yay, I have a boner!
2) This is so much better than actually having to sleep with you!
3) Where’s your dog’s nose right now?
4) LOL :)
5) I’ve been doing laundry this whole time!
6) Oh God, cum in me eyes.
7) Wait, who is this?
8) Hold on, my mom is calling.
9) Can we switch to Klingon?
10) My phone might die.

Enjoy your sext.

As always, keep it smart, safe and FUN!

About Anton Therapy

As a psychotherapist specializing in sexual concerns, I believe that communication and compromise, with a playful and open attitude are key components to a healthy intimate life. I infuse compassion, enthusiasm and a collaborative approach in treatment that puts clients at ease in discussing such personal topics. I hope this blog helps to open your mind, promote healthy sex, and encourages you to have a desire for intimacy and life! View all posts by Anton Therapy

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