Monthly Archives: April 2011

Cam Newton…more than just ‘eye candy?’

Oh the Magnificent Cam Newton, the #1 NFL Draft pick went to the Carolina Panthers last night in the first round of drafts.

The 6’6″, 250 lb. athletic god exudes charm and charisma; flashing that big white smile and licking his lips a bit, causing all the women to swoon, myself included.  It may turn me into a Carolina fan, hoping to get a glimpse of him in those tight pants.

His stats are pretty impressive as well: a 182.05 rating, 2,854 yards, and 30 TD.

Yet, an NFL QB must be a thinking man.                                          
Despite what will become an ingrained playbook in his head, the ability to listen to the offensive coordination via headset for extra guidance, Cam is the one that has to put his NFL IQ, wits and observations of the opponents defensive formation into action and make the final call.  Without this ability, he may remain the NFL ‘eye candy’ of the ladies and a flop for the team.

In a recent interview with Jon Gruden’s  ‘QB Camp’, he asked Cam Newton to recall ‘something verbal’ linked to the Auburn playbook.  After a long pause, Cam reported “our method is simplistic equals fast”.

When reflecting upon his Heisman trophy win and number one draft pick….don’t we also expect him to exhibit strength in his verbiage and a discernible  intellect.  An ability to make a last minute audible is key to a team and QB’s success.

This scenario reminds me a bit of a beauty pageant winner.  On the outside the looks are magnificent, bright smile, fit and attractive figure, talented with an instrument and trained to provide quick answers to global questions; but we wonder what is really under that exterior.  With the makeup off and an impromptu question without preparation, would this ‘queen’ still win?

This mode of thinking parallels our ‘mating’ tendencies while out for the night and on the prowl.  Our tendency is to select what we find to be the most attractive person in the bar and focus our gaze,  an attempt to strike up a conversation and hopeful wishing at a first round ‘draft’ for a sexual encounter; all without much thought about what is behind the exterior.  We get lucky when this ‘draft’ is successful and the individual has both brains and beauty.

Lets hope that with training and maturity, Mr. Cam Newton can develop the brain and NFL IQ needed to fully succeed in pro football.  Right now, it looks like he’s going to ride on his charisma, looks, and a short term college performance.  Fingers crossed that this draft pic will prove more than NFL ‘eye candy’.

NFL Lockout …..ever remind you of your own sex life?

On Monday, U.S. District Judge Susan Richard Nelson gave the players an early victory in their fight with the owners over how to divide the $9 billion business.  When we read this news, we get a bit excited about the upcoming football season….it looks like we’re going to have our teams, our games, and our over the top sport rituals that of course improve our teams chance of winning. Yet, the 2011-2012 football season remains in limbo. Now its the appeals process; the NFL filed a notice of appeal  due to concerns that Judge Nelson exceeded her jurisdiction and were  granted an expedited stay that puts her ruling on hold until the appeals process plays out. Waiting, Waiting and more waiting.

This lockout, appeals process, and the waiting game, can remind us of times we too have felt ‘locked out’ of our sex life with our partner. We attempt to appeal to our partner, sometimes even begging and pleading, only to have to wait….wait….and wait.  Just like the stubbornness being played out in the NFL. The partner with the lowest sex drive, determines when the sex happens, how it happens and where it happens.  It can feel like you have no say and the ‘judge’ will determine the next step.

We want our players back on the field this fall and we want our partners back in our beds.  The final outcome of the NFL is completely independent from our fan desires, yet the outcome in your bedroom can be in your control.  We know nagging, passive aggressive attempts, pouting and angry withdraws do NOT work.

What will work???

1) Compliments

I really love when you touch me……    I feels so good when we…….   Just looking at you I’m filled with passion and….

Its hard to be around you and not touch you… you’re so beautiful to me…so irresistible. And so on.

Get the feel of this? You know the whole ‘you get more bees with honey than vinegar’, it works!  Watch your tone, make sure you’re sincere and let your partner know they are wanted.

2) Requests with Respect

I would really like to….      I would be a lot of fun to…..   I miss your….on my….lets do that now…

3) Humor

Pressure and condescensions do not work,  be light,  be funny

4) Be a team player, help out in order to balance tasks and allow more couple time

5) Educate

Having sex 3 times per week reduces your chance of heart attack and stroke by 50%, improves immunity 30%, facilitates bonding with the release of oxytocin.

Remember good sex is 3 to 13 minutes….. 45 minutes for the whole body love play session.

Use these tasks and get playing in your own field.

For our beloved football teams, that might be up to prayers and wishful thinking.

My wish is for a great 2011-2012 football season and a great game in your bedrooms.

Sexual Manners….Having sex at your parents home during a holiday visit.

    Many of us return to our parents home to visit over the  holidays.    Today, we often live in  different areas of the state or out  of state  which necessitates an overnight family stay.  Whether it  be your  parents  or your inlaws  home in which you are staying,  did you ever  wonder whether it  was ‘okay’ to have sex?  I believe  the answer lies in  your view of  sexuality and values.

Some couples may feel it would be disrespectful and too  uncomfortable to feel aroused and receive pleasure at their parents home.

Others may be more uncertain about sex at their parents home and find themselves asking many questions prior to taking any action: Will they hear us?  Can I relax enough?  What should I do with my condom?  Are my parents asleep?  Will the bed squeak? Will anyone find out/discover us?

And others still, may view sex with their partner during a holiday overnight as just another natural expression of their sexual relationship.  Engaging in sex during private, inconspicuous times, when others are not around or are asleep.

If you decide to engage in sexual relations during a family visit, do so in a way that respects the rights of you and others around you, is in line with your values, and  is performed in a private and quiet manner.

Remember we are sexual beings and maintaining a healthy sexual life is important to our love relationships. You can keep the spark alive even during holiday visits home.

Miss Manners would say: Just remember….Shhhh… quiet……

‘Surgery News’ Editors’ Resignation over SEMEN

The Editor of Surgery News, Dr. Lazar Greenfield, resigned after a backlash from his February 2011 article noting the benefits of semen. According to a quote from NPR the article ends with the following statement:

“S o there’s a deeper bond between men and women than St. Valentine would have suspected, and now we know there’s a better gift for that day than chocolates.”

Evidently the medical community felt comments that may suggest semens health benefits through sexual activity was a bit too much.

Lets first acknowledge that if it weren’t for semen, we wouldn’t even be here.  Second, studies have shown that semen includes anxiolytic chemicals such as cortisol, prolactin, estrone, oxytocin, melatonin, thyrotropin-releasing hormone and serotonin.  Third a study from Gallup and Burch* reported that women who were sexually active and condomless were less depressed and less suicidal as scored on the Beck Depressive Inventory, suggesting that  semen may antagonize depressive symptoms through vaginal absorption.  Lastly, if an organic substance can be life affirming and contain a multitude of healthy chemicals- as long as the person is disease free- why wouldn’t we ingest it.


Even if Dr Greenfields comments are seen as a bit misguided, doesn’t it warrant valid scientific consideration.  Can’t we discuss sex in a positive, life fulfulling, and healthy manner?  If semen has all these positive properties and we can medically confirm the health (disease free) of the male/semen provider, why not ‘drink up’ to our health!

Getting More of What You Want in Bed…..

While engaging in a lively discussion with some male peers, the topic of conversation led directly to oral sex.  The men asked how they could receive more oral sex from their partner.  When responding to this question, I was oddly reminded of my son’s behavior plan of using chips/tokens (aka:A Token Economy).  Tokens are gained through positive choices and are ‘cashed in’ for privileges.  The reinforcement is:  more positive behaviors = getting more of what you want.

Statistics have recently shown in heterosexual relationships, the more a male helps out with household chores, the more sex in which he engages.

As we all recognize, men and women have a multitude of differences.  In stress management for example, men can actually prefer to have sexual relations when stressed as a way to become more calm and relaxed; women on the other hand have a tendency to avoid sex during stressful times as it is often viewed as “just another  task” to be complete, “another need to meet”, with 50 million thoughts remaining on her mind.  The link between housework and sex is based upon the fact that the more a male participates in housework, the more the female feels she is in a balanced relationship with an emphasis on teamwork. When women feel emotionally supported and  know their partner is a team player, the more they are able to relax, the more time available, and the more likely they are to share their bodies sexually.

This is just one example of how positive choices lead to an increase in gaining more of what you want.  I do NOT suggest to participate in helping your partner only to gain sexual favors,  I DO suggest the more investment you provide to your relationship the higher the returns.  Understanding the basis for how a token economy system used to improve compliance in children through reinforcements,  can lead one to see the  many parallels in our adult relationships.

There is a short answer to this question of how to get more of what you want in bed:

1) INVEST  time and energy in your relationship  – teamwork!

2) COMMUNICATE your sexual interests and needs.



Housework is just one example of how to improve your relationship through the balancing of roles and a team focus.  Ask you partner what she needs to feel more supported, less stressed, and more open to pleasure.

With the above steps, you can ‘cash in’ your ‘tokens’ for many ‘privileges’.

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