Monthly Archives: August 2011

Masturbation in the Library

I heard recently that our local  librarian had to remind a patron that masturbation was not allowed in the library.

Doesn’t that go without saying?!?!

Libraries are wank free zones.

It brought up a memory from high school when I was doing research on the artist Paul Gauguin, a Post Impressionist painter who was inspired by Peruvian women, culture and landscape.

Of course our high school library had no information on this artist, therefore it lead me to the Ball State University library to complete my research.

After discovering the location of the Gauguin books, I wandered to the correct aisle.

To my surprise, a couple was engaged in missionary position intercourse on the floor.

They looked up a me, grinned and continued.  You may ask…..what did I do?

Well, I went to the next row, created a space between the books and watched.  They were fully dressed with the exception of their pants just below their bums.  Seeing this all at the uber mature age of 16.

Say Voyeur…..I guess.  It was more curiosity and shock.  I waited for the couple to finish, and returned to the required aisle to grab my intended books.

In my naivety,  I even informed my mother to her wide eyed horror. That was one hell of a research experience.  It did not make me a fan of Gauguin, or the Ball State library, it only created a surprising adolescent experience.

A few years back, library masturbation was a persistent problem by one individual in particular at Tufts University.   According to the Tufts Daily paper, “The Tufts police talked to the man and determined that he did not know that his behavior was offensive,” Deuerlein said. “They thought that he might have a medical condition. They asked him to leave the building and find another place because there had been a complaint.”

Just yesterday an Iowa City man was caught masturbating in the Children’s Section while sitting near two teenage girls.     “Police said (49 year old) Rodriguez admitted to being in the children’s section and scratching his groin area, which caused him to become aroused.  Rodriguez faces a single count of indecent exposure.”

As a masturbation advocate,  lets remember privacy and respect for others are key.  Use the imagery you may see in public, put it in your erotic mind file, and take it back home with you.

The library will remain a masturbation free zone.

Enjoy your wanking.

Just make it private.

Kardashian’s Marriage…..and ours.

Everyone knows Kim Kardashian wed NBA star Kris Humphries this past Saturday in a lavish ceremony.

Their dating to married time only equals 9 months.

Yet the shows rating, interest in the wedding and more, have brought in a lot of money,  interest and ever increasing social exposure.

It seems the couple actually made money getting married through sponsors, donations, photos rights and an upcoming televised ceremony.

Most of us have very little in common with the socialite in the ways of funds, exposure (or over-exposure), life luxuries and the like, yet being married has many commonalities.

Due to her Hollywood status, this being her second marriage, and their short courtship, Kims marriage to Kris Humphries is more likely to end in divorce than the main stream American marriage.

First marriages have around a 34% chance of leading to divorce.  When one adds a second marriage to the mix, the statistics worsen.

Psychology Today stated that a whopping 60% of remarriages fail.  And they do so even more quickly; after an average of 10 years, 37% of remarriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.

These statistic may cause us to ask “Why marry in the first place?”

The most common themes in marital conflict are:

Finances, Children and Sex.

Kim’s first husband, music producer Damon Thomas, has publicly noted her shopaholic tendencies and financial over-indulgences which contributed to the demise of their marriage.

Marriages face many additional challenges when a person doesn’t truly understand who they are as an individual: spiritually/emotionally/physically.

This can lead to conflicts surrounding jealousy, roles, dependency, control, anger issues,  unrealistic expectations, insecurities and more.

An added element is how marriage has changed over just the past 100 years: the age of marriage, courtship times, partnership selection, children born, the role of women, and general martial expectations.

Past expectations appear to be financial, housing, large families, women staying in the home or helping with the farm, and family stability.

Our current expectations have changed along with our changing world.

We have dual careers, wait later in life to marry, delay having children and reduce the amount of children each couple has, financial security, and of course marry for love.

We even expect our spouse to be our spiritual, emotional, and sexual equal to enhance our lives on a daily basis.

These changing as well as unrealistic expectations may be the springboard for divorce.

In a marriage, two individuals from different backgrounds attempt to make a life together.  Many want their partner to mold to fit their historical pattern, continue to maintain a high level of lust and attraction, meet their communication, chore, role, financial and emotional needs.

When our partners don’t fit that mold, wish list, and expectations, it will often lead to long term miserable marriages or divorce.

Strong marriages utilize problem solving skills, respect differences, encourage the others individuality and interest, balance roles, communicate, and create a support network that helps to meet their individual and marital needs.

Marriages are tough, even with the best of partners.

We can feel stuck, stifled, and bored. 

A spouse is not 1/2 of who we are.

Their job isn’t to complete us.

There will not be a knight in shining armor coming to your rescue. (maybe in rusty armor that’s a lot of fun, has shared values, is safe, empowering and loving)

Its easy to have ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ mode of thinking, yet my response is ‘you have to mow it all the same’ (even if you want to roll in the grass, smell it and taste it- monotony, boredom, frustrations and conflicts will occur).

When we look at our partner as an individual with many differences, care about them, encourage them to be the best they can be, focus on problem solving,  our own self care, compromise, communication, and a strong social network for support, and define what the marriage is for us, we will increase the chances of our martial success.

Marriage isn’t to be defined by the church or society.

You and your spouse decide what is the right fit, values, morals, and activities that work best for the two of you.

A spouse is a compliment to who we are, a team mate, a life partner, one of which can help us grow emotionally, spiritually and even intellectually at times.

So we have something in common with Mrs. Kim Kardashian-Humphries…..marriage.

One hard, long-term commitment.

Yet with effort, practice, respect, compassion, compromise, and fun, you may actually really enjoy it!

Sexy Costumes and Role Playing

Sexy costumes and role playing add a spice to life as well as to your fantasies and sex life.

One of the top costumes is of course that of the dominatrix.


With her power, latex,  lingerie, paddle, chains and cat of nine  tails, she can whip you into action.

This is an obvious power play, where you submit to pleasure and punishment, that is at her sole discretion.

The costuming needed is more elaborate and linked to your specific Domineering fantasies.  With the convenience of the internet buying Dom apparel is much more accessible.

When the costuming/role playing becomes a sexual identity, the BDSM community is the best fit for expression, camaraderie and partners.

Sexy Secretary:

A juxtaposition to that of a Dominatrix is the sultry submissive secretary.

What a joy watching Maggie Gyllenhaal play in “The Secretary”.

In this role, the boss totally controls not only the business but you as well.

Business attire particularly a skirt and panty hose are the core of this costume. Glasses add a hint of intellectualism.

The ‘secretary’ plays the submissive role and responds to their bosses ‘commands’.

Hot for Teacher:

Many a lad have fantasied about being with their teachers, even to the point a Van Halen song ‘Hot for Teacher’ became a hit.

This role playing switches the power dynamic back to the female who would instruct the student on what to do or utilize shock value behaviors such as revealing their breast or genitals to stun the student into arousal.

A theme in the teacher/student fantasy is sexual naivety.

The teacher will ‘teach’ you what to do to her body, let you know if you’ve been a bad bad boy, require homework and demand an A+ performance.

An additional element to this fantasy is its forbidden nature.

We know teacher/student sexual relations is not allowed: she would be fired/possibly go to jail, you would be in trouble by your parents.

Such a no-no, yet so pleasurable.

Sexy Dentist:

I was not aware of this costume/fetish/role play dynamic until I received a multitude of hits on my site searching for a sexy, hot female dentist. One can see the submissive role played by the male and the female dentist with the power to decide how much if any pain to inflict while presenting her breasts level to your face.

Open Up and say ‘AHHH’.

This dentist will clean that dirty dirty mouth, wash you out, fill you up, and drill you.


For most of us over 30 mothers, no costume or role play is needed in this role as it comes naturally, yet if you want to be Stiflers mother from American Pie, a sultry available attitude is a necessity.

The word MILF (mom I’d like to f#*k) is a relatively new term and even focus of dating clubs, cruises, magazines, porn and the like (older women also coined Cougars fit into this category).

It is the approach that the older female knows what she likes, how she likes it, with less drama, more independence and the sexual skills to really please.

College girls:

Fantasies around college girls surround young looks, gullibility, often intoxication and sexual openness.

They crave attention, enjoy the greek life and tend to have a lot of enthusiasm.

College girls represent our youth, our once upon a time early ease of picking up, their availability and the beauty of being a mere 21.

Oh the tight skin, perky breasts and short shorts. Bring on them college girls!


Also the cheerleader fantasy.  What young adolescent didn’t think about lifting up that skirt, receiving a hand job after a tough football game, and spinning her around on your….well you know.

Their high kicks, short skirts, limited coverage tops, the dance moves, shaking rump, bouncing breasts all culminate into a top rated fantasy.

What would our sports be like without these staples of sexualized beauty, comfort when our team is losing, and eye candy while holding a plastic cup full of beer.

Despite a limited number of us actually being cheerleaders, this costume and role play is a relatively easy one. Most Halloween stores online have costume for purchase.

So turn on the game, put on the costume and cheer your way into your sports fan man’s heart and loin.

I have highlighted many common costume/role play fantasies.  Pick one or try them all out.

Costume, role play and fantasy are a fun way to spice up your sex life.

Performance Pressure: Jay Cutler Style….and yours?

Many have speculated on Chicago Bears Quarter Back, Jay Cutlers, football performance for this upcoming season

All eyes are watching….will he flop (yes I know he was injured) as he did in last seasons NFC championship game?

Saturdays preseason game, the  Bears v. Bills, showed only a little Cutler action.

He was off the field after only one series (yes I know its preseason, but most of us wanted a least a little more of his time on the field).

According to AP Writer Andrew Seligman, “The way Cutler was running around, it sure felt like last season. Sacked a league-leading 52 times a year ago, there wasn’t much he could do Saturday with the defense bearing down on him. At least this one didn’t end with a knee injury or with the outside attacks on his toughness, as his previous appearance at Soldier Field…”

To top that off, the Bears Beat  noted Cutler in their  “Hall of Shame” statistic: “FOX displayed a graphic that noted that Cutler is the first Bears quarterback in franchise history to pass for more than 3,000 yards in consecutive seasons, which he did between 2009 and 2010. That clearly defines just how bad quarterbacking has been in this city for so long because that statistic is awful. Some franchises have consecutive 3,500- to 4,000-yard passers these days.”

Even with a Bears win, Cutler remains under the microscope for his performance.

Three more preseason games to go before his official launch on September 11th against the Falcons.

That’s when we’ll see Cutler’s real performance.

Aren’t you glad you aren’t under such pressure (maybe you wouldn’t mind with his paycheck)?

Yet, sometimes you ARE under such pressure; its just different circumstances with  less viewers, limited critics, and a few fans.

Its the pressure men place on themselves in the bedroom, on their sex life!

Imagine being Cutler and  having a whole field, sport pundits, fans and TV viewers to rely on you, grade your performance, and even let others know their full opinion of your game play.

Luckily, in our sex lives, its a much more private affair.  Despite this privacy, men tend to put high pressures on themselves as if they were in Cutlers shoes.

The pressure is on!

You may be thinking of:

Your erection (will it get up, come on get up, whats your problem! better stay hard, better use it quick before it goes down)

Your  ability to orgasm or not to orgasm too quickly (don’t cum, don’t cum, wait, wait….oops)

Whether you’re partner is enjoying the sex

Will you get more sex

Will she/he be pleased

Will you have the right moves (your hands, tongue, mouth, penis)

When one focuses so much on the ‘performance’ aspect of sex, they loose the perspective of pleasure and having good sex  (which is what we all want right?).

So we’re lucky, limited viewers, low pressure, with the only exception…..the pressure you place upon yourself.

Penises can be like adolescents, if you tell them to do something, they often want to do just the opposite.

If you focus so much on an erection, your penis will make up his own stubborn mind and it often isn’t the answer you want.

If you are worried about ejaculating then you have again started the mind game that takes your focus off of your partner, your pleasure, enjoyment and satisfaction, and instead on the ‘end result’.

If the only goal of sex was to have an orgasm, most of us would just stick with masturbation, as an orgasm is near guaranteed with ourselves.

We want sex with others because it heightens our pleasure, our experience and adds a whole new dimension.

Switch your brain to these questions:

Does this feel good?

Do I like this touch/stimulation?

Am I enjoying touching my partner?

Is this fun/passionate/open/respectful?

If you answer YES to these questions, then performance is OUT of the window and pleasure is IN!

Many in sports psychology will tell you that the person has to shut out the criticism, the viewers, and being under the microscope of fame, and to instead focus only on the task at hand.

You. The Ball. The Team. The PLAY.

In the bedroom, it is best to focus on:

You. Your Partner. Pleasure.  PLAY!

So lets excitedly watch the Bears this season.

Jay Cutler will do whatever he can do, even with the pressure. (cautiously optimistic)

You on the other hand can choose if pressure is a part of your style…..or if you would rather choose PLEASURE.

Sex: Successful AND Satisfying

Can we ‘fail’ at sex?       If so, what determines ‘success’?

Is it intercourse?          An erection?               An orgasm?

My video talks of how to end failures and start being successful….. sexually.


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