Monthly Archives: October 2011

Sex and Beer

I recently wrote an article discussing sex and dating, asking the question, Sex, too early?  It addressed a suggested sociological/economic approach to sex: surmising sex too early (such as first date sex) reduces the social cost of sex; therefore, drastically changing courtship and reducing the need for marriage.  The authors recommended holding out on sex to secure a marital partner. 

 This idea, I refuted, of course. 

Sounds ‘old school’ to me and the only ‘old school’ I prefer is rap.

So why write about it again and mention beer? 

Because you may be one who feels there are occasions when first date sex fits and is right for you and your date.

If you have the interest and desire to have sex that first night, how might you determine if your female partner will be open and receptive?

According to recent research, if you want to know if she’s likely to sleep with you on the first date, just ask “Do you like Beer?”.

 OKTrends statistics states,  people who say they like the taste of beer are far more likely to be open to sex on the first date.

“No matter their gender or orientation, beer-lovers are 60 percent more likely to be OK with sleeping with someone they’ve just met,” OkCupid said in its blog poston the topic.

For women, OkCupid said the beer question was the only one with a meaningful correlation to first-date sex, but for men they found a few other key questions.

Asking, “In a certain light, wouldn’t nuclear war be exciting?” implied an 83 percent chance of first-date sex.

Two other questions — “Could you imagine yourself killing someone?” and “Assuming you were in the position to do so, would you launch nuclear weapons under any circumstances?” — both implied an 82 percent chance of sex on the first date.


This research  looks at just your mere liking of beer, not consumption and change in judgement (aka ‘beer googles’),  or how drinking lowers our inhibitions, nor our tendencies to make choices we typically would not make while sober and the like.
Just by enjoying the taste of beer makes us more sexually open.
Cheers to Sex and Beer.
You decide if: 1) you like beer 2) you are open to first date sex  then make it SMART, SAFE, and FUN.

Four Naked Women, Vodka on Tap and a Hot Tub

Nudity, drunkenness and hot tubing with four ladies, is the recent allegation against Ashton Kutcher. 

The media has focused on the possible downfall of Ashton and Demi Moore’s marriage with news of his alleged infidelity and their odd public tweets.

According to ABC News , Ashton tweeted, “When you ASSUME to know that which you know nothing of you make an A[**] out of U and ME” .  Early Thursday morning, Kutcher tweeted a link without comment, to his Spotify account, where he was playing the Public Enemy song “Don’t Believe the Hype.”

Demi took a tweet pic of her “naked back with the message, “remember…’ve got your own back.” She seemed more direct on Sept. 23, when she tweeted a quote from Greek philosopher Epictetus, writing, “When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”
On Monday, she wrote “I see through you….” and linked to a photo of herself lying down with her eyes closed, her mouth drawn in a line.”
These may be cryptic messages with the intent to spur the other, yet presenting them via public tweets says nothing about mature communication.
When I read the title “Four naked women, vodka on tap and a hot tub”, my first thought is Fun! Juicy!
Our society places such high standards on marital fidelity and how one ‘should’ behave while married; it seems near impossible to fulfill such standards particularly in our sex infused, adrenaline focused, immediate need gratification culture.
The society of the double edged sword: like it, want it, be it….oops we ‘caught’ you.
Life is full of temptations.
Resisting some of these temptations can be beneficial to ourselves and our partners.
Yet what temptations to resist and which to partake is to be defined within your relationship and not based upon societal/cultural/religious expectations placed upon you or your relationship.
Maybe Ashton and Demi support a purely monogamous relationship where nudity and sex with others is not supported.
What about more permeable marital boundaries,  enjoy the hot tub, the vodka, the beauty of the naked women with a policy of look but don’t touch, or even touch safely and with open communication.
Creating an open style marriage does not fully protect the other from betrayal or boundaries crossing yet it allows the opportunity for us to explore whether commitment and fidelity are synonymous and if its necessary to maintain fidelity to maintain a committed marriage.
Monogamy is nearly unattainable in the mind and can be difficult to practice.   This challenge is trumped up when one adds fame and fortune. 
Statistics show the significant amounts of infidelity that occur in marriages- anywhere between 30% to 50%, yet we continue to hold fidelity as the proof of a strong and successful marriage.
In the Demi/Ashton scenario,  I would suggest engaging in effective communication,  maintaining privacy and working to define what does and does not work for their marriage.
The rest of us could benefit from doing the same.
You and your partner decide if nudity, vodka and hot tubing work for you… does sound fun.

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