One of the latest Hollywood couples to call it quits is Katy Perry and Russell Brand.
The tabloids report possible marital concerns with Brand’s flirty behavior at his recovery meetings (such a great place to pick someone up!), his kinky sex life (allegedly turned on by sex with men in wheelchairs), his emotional unavailability, and her vigorous touring/traveling schedule.
Sometimes, I ask, why are we even surprised or care for that matter?
Yet, frustration abounds when it appears the lack of effort and seriousness people place on their marriage.
Marriage can be a bear, or a bitch for that matter at times, but its worth the work.
We cannot know the truth about the Perry/Brand marriage or the real reasons behind their split. We can, however, look at a more global marital experience and say – if abuse, harm, or danger did not occur in the marriage, doesn’t it deserve more time, effort, and behavior change from both parties to see the potentials in self growth and the possibility of improved couple cohesion.
A spouse will not ‘complete you’ or be a saving grace nor create your happiness.
They can however, push us to grow, explore who we are, support us in our passions and in our difficult times, enhance our own happiness, add more laughter to our life, light a fire under our behinds when we need it and add some heat in the bedroom.
Is that even enough time to engage in couples counseling, seek spiritual guidance, allow time to actually work through their problems? I think not.
Time, effort, and support are key to working through conflict.
Patience, respect, and flexibility help us get there.
We live in a culture of immediate gratification; the view that our spouse is to be our perfect soul mate, to meet all of our needs, and to be a continual source of happiness.
These are obviously unrealistic expectation of any partner.
Spouse’s aren’t perfect, and neither are we.
So give me a break.
Quickie marriages, quickie divorces.
Marriage can be a bear….Deal with it!
A great article on thinking twice about divorce is from Dr. Margaret Paul at InnerBonding: