Monthly Archives: February 2012

Seduce Me??

The age old art of Seduction






There’s a variety of books, articles and websites talking specifically about how to seduce someone.  The M3 Model lists seduction in three phases:

Attraction, Comfort and Seduction.

The attraction phase is divided into :
A1 – Approach
A2 – Attracting the HB or Female-to-male Interest (Demonstrate high value, using gimmick, magic, psychic routine, humor ……)
A3 – Male-to-Female Interest (The hot babe must be baited into demonstrating her own value. By this way, you’re just attracted to her by her personality or charm, other than her looks)

The comfort phase is divided into :
C1 – Building rapport
C2 – Building emotional connection and physical connection
C3 – Intimacy

The seduction phase is divided into :
S1 – Foreplay
S2 – LMR  (Last Minute Resistance. Once you have it, she may say “we should stop …” or “We better be careful about where this is going”.)
S3 – Sex

The Game:“Penetrating the Society of Pickup Artists,”, by Neil Strauss, has 10 chapters which are titled: 1) Select a Target 2) Approach and Open 3) Demonstrate Value 4) Disarm the Obstacles 5) Isolate the Target  6) Create an Emotional Connection 7) Extract to a Seduction Location 8) Pump Buying Temperature  9) Blast Last Minute Resistance 10) Manage Expectations.

Is this really seduction?

It sounds to me like, Divide and Conquer. 

Power, Overtake, Master, Dominate, Manipulate and Control.

Where’s the love?

Psychology Today blogger Caroline Simon, PHD. defines seduction as:

“Seduction sets out to get a “yes” whether or not sex compromises the welfare and sexual autonomy of the seduced.  It is no accident that the root meaning of “seduce” is “separate” or lead away. Those who are seduced are led away from the values central to their own sense of integrity.”

“Seduction may look “romantic” but it is really all about self-centered power.”

Simon’s check list for seduction:

  1. There is mutual consent to all activities.
  2. The pursuer wants to get to know the pursued in order to obtain consent.
  3. Deception or calculated ambiguity is used to obtain consent.
  4. The pursuer is indifferent to the welfare of the pursued.
  5. The pursuer’s motives in the pursuit are personal pleasure or an ego-boost.
  6. The pursued person consents to sexual activities which he or she was averse to engaging in or which are at odds with his or her principles or priorities.
  7. The pursued person would not consent to all the activities engaged in unless he or she were deceived or manipulated.

That’s no fun.

Using your skills and attractiveness to lure someone in so that you can get them to do something willingly yet against their better judgement, their value system, and their real intent.

When you are interested in  ‘catching’ a guy or girl, pay attention to your intent.  Is it to bed them? To wed them? To date them? To win them over? Or just plain ‘get off’?

If your real intent is to bed them and get off, instead of utilizing the steps suggested for ‘seduction’, why not try honesty. Your hot, I’d really like to …… (you fill in the blank).

Be respectful, not only does that other person have attributes you find sexually arousing, they are also a person.  A person who deserves kindness, honesty, and respect.

How about we throw the whole seduction thing out of the window.

Power, control, manipulation, and disrespect for the other person’s values, has no place in the bedroom or in relationships.

Let’s flirt, tease, play – respectfully, consensual, while valuing the other person.

Seduce Me, not.

Lets play.





Dirty Dirty Dirty…………SHOW

I had the privilege to attend the Detroit Dirty Show this past weekend.

It is a platform for erotic art in various forms.  According to, its mission is to promote, publish and propagate erotic art in all forms… Held every Valentine’s Weekend, the show features a large number of artists, from first-timers to the famous at their dirtiest.

Many images may appear to some as pornographic, yet it is the beauty of the body and our sexuality that is exhibited not the specific sexual acts portrayed in action.

The art displayed ranged from erotic photography as shown here as well as playful ‘machines’, live performances, metal art, sculpture and more.

Live art was exhibited on two stages; one stage showed  a variety of performers from burlesque dancers, skits, singing, and drag shows.

The other stage showed the Japanese erotic art of rope bondage called: SHIBARI also known as KINBAKU.  It serves not only as binding but as body art, emphasizing our features with beautifully tied knots and hanging devices.

Exhibiting the bondage aspect of power and helplessness with beauty and aesthetic.  One can see how the ropes emphasize the curvature and shape of the body.

Walking around the show, one can see the average Joe as well as others dressed in provocative and playful ways.

Outside of the surprise and obvious subculture seen in this venue.  What jumped out to me was Freedom.

Freedom to be yourself without judgement, Freedom and comfort in your sexual expression, Freedom from the restraints of everyday society, Freedom to be playful, erotic, and safe all at the same time.

Some may say ‘freaks’ or ‘wrong’ but I say normal.

One of the most common questions I receive as a sexual therapist is: Am I Normal?  My response:  If its adult, consensual, and respectful to all parties, then YES it Normal!

If you want to get your ‘freak’ on, the Detroit Dirty show is a great way to exhibit or watch an open venue of erotic and safe expression.

             Be Free!

I apologize for the lack of citation for the photos posted, as I took pictures of the art without writing down the artist. I encourage you to attend to experience the Dirty Show first hand.

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