Monthly Archives: April 2012

Jack-off Bandit

I discovered this absurd and hilarious video on YouTube.com, which has inspired me to blog about masturbation.

jack off bandit

Is it because he looks as high as a kite, or that he addresses the commonality of masturbation, or maybe just his blantant link to jacking of to your Facebook pictures that makes this  video so obtuse & addictively funny?

He  exhibits his rhythm & use of lubrication to masturbate. This is a fairly common way to jack off: using one to two hands on the shaft of your penis in an up & down motion with the aid of lube.  Yet, what if you want to take your masturbation to the next level?

MadeMan, provides 10 tips to your self loving:

By: Leigha Isbell

Break Studios Contributing Writer

  1. I’m Hot and I’m ColdMasturbate as you normally would. Have a cup or bowl with ice next to you. When you are about to ejaculate, grab the ice in your free hand. The sensation of the cold in one hand and the hot in the other hand will give you extra sensation.

  2. PB & V (Plastic Bag & Vaseline) Fill a plastic bag with Vaseline and place your erect penis into the bag. Once you’re inside, place the bag with your penis still inside between the mattress and box spring of your bed. Pump in and out until you reach orgasm. This method not only feels really great but there is no mess, except to wash off your penis.
  3. Stop and GoFor this method you will use your preferred way of masturbating. When you feel you are very close to orgasm, STOP! Put your hands behind your head so that you are less tempted to reach down and continue. Do this about three more times or until you simply cannot stand it any longer. Finally let yourself climax. When you finish this time, it will have been worth the wait.
  4. Hot and WetGet a towel, soak it with hot water and ring it out so that it is not dripping wet. But you want the wet heat, it adds to the feeling. Put a condom on. Wrap the towel (not too tightly) around your penis. Pump in and out of it. The wet heat feels fabulous!
  5. Keep UpTurn on your favorite porno and imagine you are the one doing all the different things to the girl in the movie. While hearing the noises on the movie and using your imagination, you should have no trouble at all coming to a quick orgasm.
  6. Pillow On TopLay on your back and pull a pillow on top of you. Have your erect penis flat on your abdomen. Pull the pillow over your penis. Rub it back and fourth; you can also thrust your hips for added feeling. This will give the sensation of a woman on top.
  7. Water Wings Get a pair (they only come in pairs) of children’s water wings. Blow them up as much as possible. Coat the inside with baby oil. Insert your penis and pump away. The walls will be enclosed on your penis and feel fantastic.
  8. Two HanderWhile masturbating, the scrotum gets overlooked. In this method they become a part of the orgasm. While masturbating in any way you like, take your other hand and lightly and slowly massage your scrotum. This will add to your orgasm with little added effort.
  9. Banana Hammock Buy a banana make a small slit in the side and tip. Scoop out most of the banana, but leave some of it as it makes a great lube. Slide it over your erect penis, lay on your stomach and slide up and down. The smoothness of being able to slide in and out will have you wanting to get more bananas soon.
  10. Tampon Insert The last technique is a bit more involved than most of the others, but if you’re into this kind of thing, it will pay off. Get a tampon, open it and insert it into your anus (you may want to add some lube first). With the tampon inserted into your anus, kneel on your bed or floor and pump your penis in your hand for an extremely powerful orgasm.

Corey Silverberg suggests in his article, Advanced Masturbation Techniques, to try these:

  • Use Sex Toys

  • Watch Yourself
  • Talk Dirty to Yourself
  • Explore Taboo Fantasies
  • Trying New Positions

Whether you, like the Jack Off Bandit, enjoy the up and down motion of your hand with lubrication while masturbating or are open to trying the more adventurous tips above, take advantage of the pleasure you can provide to yourself.


Fifty Shades of…..Exhausting

Fifty Shades of……Exhausting

As a follow up to my last post recommending the ever popular Kindle and paperback book, Fifty Shades of Grey, I now retract my recommendation to read this erotic novel.

I melted and swooned over the first book, wishing to implant myself into the scenes of the Red Room of Pain, being a submissive to the  uber rich, über handsome, Mr. Christian Grey.

In book two, Fifty Shades Darker, the frustrating themes of control, over-thinking and insecurity become nauseating. I was able to set down my rational feminist self to enjoy book one, yet with the continuance of the above noted themes, I can no longer swoon, fantasize, or engage in my ‘orgasm drunk’ drinking game.

Anastasia, the female love interest, reinforces our societal view of women as jealous, insecure, and needy, over-thinkers.  Why does he love Me? Who  is She? Will he leave me for Her? Will I ever make him truly happy with all of his needs for Dominance?  Will the relationship last? Can I even continue to breathe if he is out of my life?  …… See….. Nauseating.

Fantasy is supposed to be just that- fantasy, which I easily accept with her orgasmic abilities, his financial successes, beauty, and sexual skills.  So, why is it necessary to reinforce a dependent stereotypical woman’s ability to breathe and thrive as only through our relationships with  men.

Can’t Anastasia be a confident, secure, young female who enjoys the interplay of agreed upon sexual submission and dominance without jealousy, second guessing his every move, and need to uncover his early life traumas?

Can’t Christian work through his trauma without overt control outside of the bedroom?

My fantasies do not include insecurities, themes of trauma, jealousy, nor a marriage proposal. As I see it, these narratives are unnecessary to a good erotic novel and spoil the escapism, arousal, and thrill we seek in these books.

Give me hot sex, stable characters and adventures, and keep all of our real life issues in our real lives.

Addendum:

I relapsed. Despite my exhaustion at EL James’ erotic series, I continue to read.

After finishing the second book, Fifty Shades Darker, I was so frustrated, I never would have guessed that I would purchase the third book in the series.

Seriously?

I recommend NOT reading Fifty Shades.. but continue to  myself?

I wondered why I bought book three, then I realized I couldn’t get a few images out of my mind.

At the end of Fifty Shades Darker, Christian and Anastasia are in the Red Room of Pain.  She is nude, on her knees, with her arms bound behind her, wearing an eye mask, a gag ball in her mouth,  just waiting for Christians touch.

Christian places nipple clamps on her, a vibrator inside her vagina, his finger in her rectum, all moving rhythmically to the blaring music.

This scene pulled me back in.

Back into the poor writing, drama, ridiculousness and exhaustion.

All for the mere hope of just one more erotic scenario that delights my fancy.

I guess I’m playing orgasm drunk again.

So read with caution, its awful, exhausting and unfortunately still addictive.


Fifty Shades of……Addictive Erotica

“Fifty Shades of Grey” by E.L. James, is a hit!

A New York Times Bestseller

What does this book have that makes it so addictive?

Its Steamy!

Its Hot!

And you’ll want  to  show just how obedient you can be in the Red Room of Pain.

Some are saying its a ‘marriage saver’.

I say,  reading erotica assists women in connecting to their sexual selves and therefore, are feeling horny and acting upon it.

Marriage saver – no.

Heating up your sex life- Yes.

The theme of innocent yet sassy and beautiful female with the over bearing uber handsome male who both fawns over and controls her – is ages old.

This book is a hit in thanks to Twilight fans,  the viral effects of social media, www.goodreads.com site, and our ease of access via Kindle or Nook.

I purchased Fifty Shades of Grey on my Kindle and within the first day consumed 7 hours of this novel.

Cooking and reading.

Laundry and reading.

Feeding the dog and reading.

Cozy in my pajamas and reading.

I wanted more….and more.

Not more of the whimpy, over-thinking, immature, self doubting,  22 year old Anastasia.  Or the overt power hungry attempting to rewrite childhood trauma through being the sadistic dominant,  27 year old Christian.

But the dynamic of  lust, wantonness, raw sexual arousal,  pure passion, intensity, and libidinal insanity.

More Christian Grey.

Dominating me.

Adoring me.

Spanking me.

Ravishing me.

Opening the orgasmic floodgates of my most hidden desires.

In Chapter 25, Anastasia and Christian are in the Red Room of Pain, as he blasts Forty Part Motet by Thomas Tallis

‘Kneeling by the door, I am naked except for my panties. My heart is in my mouth….Anticipation runs bubbling like soda through my veins.  What will he do? I take a deep steadying breath, but I cannot deny it, I’m excited, aroused, wet already….’
After a full body fur mitt rubdown and then a good flogging, Christian’s, ‘nose and lips…running down my neck and throat, kissing and sucking…trailing down to my breasts, Ah! Taunting each of my nipples in turn…his tongue swirling round one while his fingers relentlessly tease the other….”
‘He’s kneeling up between my legs…and in one swift, slamming move, he’s inside me….oh fuck…and I cry out again. The quiver of my impending orgasm begins….’
If you can put down your feminist, rational self, and accept its poorly written, with ridiculous scenarios, absurd plotlines ……you won’t be able to stop reading it.
I even thought it could be a possible drinking game.
Called Orgasm Drunk.
Each time Anastasia has an orgasm, have a drink.
After one hour, you’ll be tipsy if not more.
Put on your reading glasses, the kids are in school, open up the ultimate Mommy Porn.
This book is addictive erotica.

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