Category Archives: Masturbation

I’ve Got a Secret

This weekend, my head was full of ‘ear worms’, you know when a song gets stuck in your head and you can’t get it out.

While at the grocery store, the song “Cult of Personality” came on and I could barely tolerate my shopping, then against any conscious choice, it kept repeating in my head long after my trip.

The Cult of Personality was replaced the following day with yet another ‘ear worm’ which was luckily one of my favorite artists, Kate Nash – her song, “I’ve got a secret”.  I was regularly humming this tune throughout my home most of the day.

Kate Nash I’ve got a secret

secret“I’ve got a secret”, could possibly be a theme song for my work.

Many people enter sexual therapy holding on to, then revealing their sexual secrets.

I am really with ______ (other person)

I really like to _____, but could never tell my spouse.

You won’t believe what I did, I’m so embarrassed.

This may shock you, but….

I masturbate thinking about _______, am I normal?

What gets me off most in bed is______But if my partner knew, I think they’d reject me.

Marty Klein, one of my favorite sex therapists, wrote a book entitled, Your Sexual Secrets . (1988)

Marty states,

“You learned it as a child:  sex is bad. But like all the other kids, you had sexual thought and feelings.  Early on you learned the Secrecy Imperative: to avoid punishment, rejection, and abandonment you’d better keep your sexuality a secret….Accepting sexual experiences and feelings leads to a sense of choice…(people) can choose to share sexual thoughts with their loved ones, or they may choose to maintain their secrets, with the conscious awareness that they are doing so.  Either choice can bring healing to people and to relationships.”

He notes there are actually good reasons to share some of your sexual secrets if the following goals are possible:

Getting closer to your partnerseduction

Improving your sexual relationship

Increasing your self esteem

Reducing the physical or emotional stresses of secrecy

Changing a relationship, or supporting a current change (page 151)

 

 

Potential scenarios where it could behoove one to disclose their secret may be:

You enjoy anal stimulation and would like to include it in your love play but are uncertain of your partners reaction…..you never know till you ask.

You fantasize about grangagged-and-bound1ny porn and want to watch these films occasionally during sex with your partner.

You are more aroused by your partners toes than the rest of their body, ask to incorporate toe play during sex.

You want to be gagged and bound at times when you’re turned on, ask your partner to try it.

You are interested in polyamory, discuss what it would be like to open the relationship to other partners.

There is a lot of love to go around.

 

Marty suggests not to disclose sexual secrets if your intent is to:

Get Revenge

Punish or Humilitate

Relieve a heavy burden of guilt

Invite criticism and punishment

To test a relationship

To create a smokescreen (pg 162)

The largest theme of sexual secrets in  my office has nothing to do with criminal behavior, harm to others, or true deviancy.  It is mostly self judgement and shame of relatively normative sexual behaviors.

If the behavior is:

Consensualconsensual

Between adults

Is respectful to the self and the other

Then….its normal

Feet fetishes, polyamory, anal pleasure, granny porn, gagged and bound, as well as many more sexual behaviors are all normal.

One may argue and say its disrespectful to watch granny porn when partners are sexual together….if so, then you explore ways to keep aroused that are considered mutually respectful and sexually satisfying.

Another argument is around the secrecy of affairs; one may ask how does that respect the self and the other?  If the parties engaging in sex together do so as consenting adults and feel respected by the other, then that is considered normative sexual behavior.  The spouse on the other hand may have a much different opinion.  Morals are a different topic from scientific norms.

ive got a secretYou get to decide the secrets you tell.

You decide whether you hold onto self judgement, guilt or shame.

You decide how and to whom to disclose, if ever.

We all have some secrets, either big or small.

The popularity of our secrets has lead to the highly successful website: post secrethttp://www.postsecret.com

Its anonymous with the exception that you submit and we (the voyeurs) read.

 

I’ll end with my continual ear worm, Kate Nash:

“Ive got a secret,  I can’t tell you….you would judge”

 

 

 


Get your Vibe On

Despite our poor economy and sluggish sales, vibrators have been in high demand.  In the U.K.,  women’s  vibrators have nearly trumped the sales of smart phones.

In this hilarious Saturday Night Live sketch, they address Mothers Day gifts, the Kindle,  and the ever popular Fifty Shades of Grey erotic novel. In one section you see, Kristen Wiigs character, masturbating with the Hitachi Magic Wand.

SNL Fifty Shades of Grey Skit

The Hitachi Wand vibrator seems to be one of Betty Dodsons favorite.  Betty is an expert in human sexuality and the Queen of Masturbation, having written, Sex for One: The Joy of Self Loving, Liberating Masturbation, and Orgasms for two: The Joy of Partner sex.

Her fame not only comes from her books and erotic art, but from her over 30 years of conducting workshops for groups of women to explore their sexuality and masturbate together. Watch Betty’s video on The Masturbation Month of May.

 

 

 

 

 

Betty Dodson Masturbation Month of May

You can purchase the Magic Wand on Amazon for $54.95. 

A recent survey reported 50% of Americans are using vibrators and 70% of men noted their comfort with using the device.  Scientific American reported the sex toy industry is a $500 million dollar per year industry , while Durex noted the U.S is 2nd in the world for vibrator purchases.

GoodVibrations.com lists their 45 top selling vibrators which includes the Hitachi Wand, the Rabbit, the Bullet, and the We-Vibe.

They have increased sales by 60% since the 1990’s.

Adameve.com, lists 8 different types of vibrators: Rabbit, Clitoral, G Spot, Realistic, Bullet/Egg, Anal, Traditional and Vibrator Kits.

Now many traditional Condom companys such as Durex, Trojan, and Lifestyles are offering an over the counter vibrator located in your local market with the condoms and lubrication.

The Durex website states,

“And you thought Durex just made condoms?

They’re tastefully designed and disarmingly discreet. The range is designed with a modern woman in mind, featuring a variety of styles to suit different tastes. Experiment a little and you’re sure to find the one that’s right for you and your partner.  Make the world’s No.1 condom brand the world’s best vibrator brand too!”

I highly recommend the Durex line of vibration products.  They’re affordable, easy to purchase and easy to use.  The Durex Play is a small cock ring with a vibration device so that during love play and intercourse, it provides clitoral stimulation.  The convenient size does not seem to interfere with intercourse as it is compact and site focused.

Lelo,  is the world’s leading designer brand for intimate lifestyle products. The company has ‘transformed the look, feel and function of how personal massagers are perceived, bringing a new level of luxury to products of this kind.’

The highlights of the Lelo Tiani Sense Motion Pleasure Object are its revolutionary design that is controlled by tilting your palm or flicking your wrist.  Highlights include:
“• Operate the vibrator in SensoMotion or Standard modes
• Tilt or wave the controller around to power the vibrator in SensoMotion Mode
• Standard turns the controller into your typical wireless remote
• Pick from 6 vibration patterns & 16 speeds in Standard
• Wireless signal ranges up to 39 feet
• Controller buzzes in sync with vibrator so you can feel the mode for yourself
• Vibrator is designed to be worn during sex for extra stimulation
• Smaller arm massages her G spot, while the larger tickles her clit”

Support the economy.

Go buy a Vibrator.

Enjoy!


Jack-off Bandit

I discovered this absurd and hilarious video on YouTube.com, which has inspired me to blog about masturbation.

jack off bandit

Is it because he looks as high as a kite, or that he addresses the commonality of masturbation, or maybe just his blantant link to jacking of to your Facebook pictures that makes this  video so obtuse & addictively funny?

He  exhibits his rhythm & use of lubrication to masturbate. This is a fairly common way to jack off: using one to two hands on the shaft of your penis in an up & down motion with the aid of lube.  Yet, what if you want to take your masturbation to the next level?

MadeMan, provides 10 tips to your self loving:

By: Leigha Isbell

Break Studios Contributing Writer

  1. I’m Hot and I’m ColdMasturbate as you normally would. Have a cup or bowl with ice next to you. When you are about to ejaculate, grab the ice in your free hand. The sensation of the cold in one hand and the hot in the other hand will give you extra sensation.

  2. PB & V (Plastic Bag & Vaseline) Fill a plastic bag with Vaseline and place your erect penis into the bag. Once you’re inside, place the bag with your penis still inside between the mattress and box spring of your bed. Pump in and out until you reach orgasm. This method not only feels really great but there is no mess, except to wash off your penis.
  3. Stop and GoFor this method you will use your preferred way of masturbating. When you feel you are very close to orgasm, STOP! Put your hands behind your head so that you are less tempted to reach down and continue. Do this about three more times or until you simply cannot stand it any longer. Finally let yourself climax. When you finish this time, it will have been worth the wait.
  4. Hot and WetGet a towel, soak it with hot water and ring it out so that it is not dripping wet. But you want the wet heat, it adds to the feeling. Put a condom on. Wrap the towel (not too tightly) around your penis. Pump in and out of it. The wet heat feels fabulous!
  5. Keep UpTurn on your favorite porno and imagine you are the one doing all the different things to the girl in the movie. While hearing the noises on the movie and using your imagination, you should have no trouble at all coming to a quick orgasm.
  6. Pillow On TopLay on your back and pull a pillow on top of you. Have your erect penis flat on your abdomen. Pull the pillow over your penis. Rub it back and fourth; you can also thrust your hips for added feeling. This will give the sensation of a woman on top.
  7. Water Wings Get a pair (they only come in pairs) of children’s water wings. Blow them up as much as possible. Coat the inside with baby oil. Insert your penis and pump away. The walls will be enclosed on your penis and feel fantastic.
  8. Two HanderWhile masturbating, the scrotum gets overlooked. In this method they become a part of the orgasm. While masturbating in any way you like, take your other hand and lightly and slowly massage your scrotum. This will add to your orgasm with little added effort.
  9. Banana Hammock Buy a banana make a small slit in the side and tip. Scoop out most of the banana, but leave some of it as it makes a great lube. Slide it over your erect penis, lay on your stomach and slide up and down. The smoothness of being able to slide in and out will have you wanting to get more bananas soon.
  10. Tampon Insert The last technique is a bit more involved than most of the others, but if you’re into this kind of thing, it will pay off. Get a tampon, open it and insert it into your anus (you may want to add some lube first). With the tampon inserted into your anus, kneel on your bed or floor and pump your penis in your hand for an extremely powerful orgasm.

Corey Silverberg suggests in his article, Advanced Masturbation Techniques, to try these:

  • Use Sex Toys

  • Watch Yourself
  • Talk Dirty to Yourself
  • Explore Taboo Fantasies
  • Trying New Positions

Whether you, like the Jack Off Bandit, enjoy the up and down motion of your hand with lubrication while masturbating or are open to trying the more adventurous tips above, take advantage of the pleasure you can provide to yourself.


Fifty Shades of……Addictive Erotica

“Fifty Shades of Grey” by E.L. James, is a hit!

A New York Times Bestseller

What does this book have that makes it so addictive?

Its Steamy!

Its Hot!

And you’ll want  to  show just how obedient you can be in the Red Room of Pain.

Some are saying its a ‘marriage saver’.

I say,  reading erotica assists women in connecting to their sexual selves and therefore, are feeling horny and acting upon it.

Marriage saver – no.

Heating up your sex life- Yes.

The theme of innocent yet sassy and beautiful female with the over bearing uber handsome male who both fawns over and controls her – is ages old.

This book is a hit in thanks to Twilight fans,  the viral effects of social media, www.goodreads.com site, and our ease of access via Kindle or Nook.

I purchased Fifty Shades of Grey on my Kindle and within the first day consumed 7 hours of this novel.

Cooking and reading.

Laundry and reading.

Feeding the dog and reading.

Cozy in my pajamas and reading.

I wanted more….and more.

Not more of the whimpy, over-thinking, immature, self doubting,  22 year old Anastasia.  Or the overt power hungry attempting to rewrite childhood trauma through being the sadistic dominant,  27 year old Christian.

But the dynamic of  lust, wantonness, raw sexual arousal,  pure passion, intensity, and libidinal insanity.

More Christian Grey.

Dominating me.

Adoring me.

Spanking me.

Ravishing me.

Opening the orgasmic floodgates of my most hidden desires.

In Chapter 25, Anastasia and Christian are in the Red Room of Pain, as he blasts Forty Part Motet by Thomas Tallis

‘Kneeling by the door, I am naked except for my panties. My heart is in my mouth….Anticipation runs bubbling like soda through my veins.  What will he do? I take a deep steadying breath, but I cannot deny it, I’m excited, aroused, wet already….’
After a full body fur mitt rubdown and then a good flogging, Christian’s, ‘nose and lips…running down my neck and throat, kissing and sucking…trailing down to my breasts, Ah! Taunting each of my nipples in turn…his tongue swirling round one while his fingers relentlessly tease the other….”
‘He’s kneeling up between my legs…and in one swift, slamming move, he’s inside me….oh fuck…and I cry out again. The quiver of my impending orgasm begins….’
If you can put down your feminist, rational self, and accept its poorly written, with ridiculous scenarios, absurd plotlines ……you won’t be able to stop reading it.
I even thought it could be a possible drinking game.
Called Orgasm Drunk.
Each time Anastasia has an orgasm, have a drink.
After one hour, you’ll be tipsy if not more.
Put on your reading glasses, the kids are in school, open up the ultimate Mommy Porn.
This book is addictive erotica.

“Oh Doll Face, I Love You”, The Strange Fetish of Adult Sex Dolls

While perusing the “Buzz Feed” website , a video clip came up which highlighted unusual addictions and fetishes.

Click here for the article and video clips:

10 Strange Fetishes and Addictions, (balloons, bubble gum, eating chalk, etc)

The TLC  channel has a series titled, “My Strange Addiction”, which highlights various oddities such as the adult doll fetish.

The top of the line adult erotic doll is created by “Realdoll”.

http://www.realdoll.com/cgi-bin/snav.rd

One can choose body shape, height, weight, shoe size, breast size, hair/eye/nail polish, skin color, hair style and even your pubic hair preference with a list of colors from which to select. So the drapes don’t necessarily have to match the carpet.

Your ‘perfect’ woman.

With penetrable orifices in the mouth, vaginal and anal area.

A male version is also available or you can just purchase the ‘bottoms up’ model which is merely a part section of the behind and upper thigh.

Go ahead, order one.  It comes with a cost: the base line model sells for $5999.00.

I guess that is cheaper than 10 years worth of dates. Real woman can be pretty expensive, of which I reminded of by my own husband.

While watching an episode clip, I was taken by a man living in the Detroit area who lives with and has a long term relationship with…..his adult doll.

This gentleman, named Davecat, appears to interact with his ‘doll’ in a highly anthropomorphic manner.

Sleeping and eating together, dressing and grooming her, even posing for couples photos together as well as giving her an individualized personality full of interests, wants and desires.

I bet her libido is a PERFECT match for his.

Most of us are familiar with the blow up sex doll at a bachelor party, yet where did this all come from?

The dame de voyage (French) or dama de viaje (Spanish) was a direct predecessor to today’s sex dolls that originated in the seventeenth century. Dames de voyage were makeshift fornicatory dolls made of sewn cloth or old clothes, used by French and Spanish sailors while isolated at sea during long voyages.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_doll

“In August 1955, Max Weissbrodt of the Hausser/Elastolin company created one of the first sex dolls to be marketed as such: an 11.5-inch plastic figurine named Bild Lilli, modeled after the hypersexualized appearance of a cartoon character named Lilli”

The readily available blow up doll can be purchased for around $100 yet the imitation is poor, the orifices are more of a beach ball with a hole vs the top of the line silicon product of today.

If the price is to high, or you’re just not sure if the doll is for you, no worry, you can fly to Toyko to rent a doll and a room at Doru no Mori.  Take it on a test drive.

The future of sex dolls appears to be: CybOrgasMatrix or True Companion dolls, as they are using “an innovative material—a very elastic gel with a strong shape memory, which they have shown in side-by-side tests is superior to silicone in elasticity, shape memory, and durability. Additional options: heat, a pelvic thruster motor, audio dialogue, personality types: shy, horny,experienced, young…..a real SEX BOT.

http://www.truecompanion.com/home.html

http://cyborgasmatrix.com/DollsTorso_Gallery.htm.

To purchase a Cyborgasmatrix female torso appears to be more affordable, as  this one is just under $1000.00. This torso has less aesthetics than the real doll, yet looking at the features of heat, audio and pelvic thrusts, may make her more ‘attractive’ to a buyer.

How freaky is this sex doll fetish?

If used on occasion it can provide as an instance source of sexual gratification without any effort, energy or talking afterwards.

The key word is ‘occasionally’.

And yes it is ‘freaky,’ but its only in excess that it’s ‘crazy’.

If you’d like to take  a big step down from the Sex Bot but would like to explore sexual stimulation from an inanimate object,  Masturbation Sleeves are the way to go.

I highly recommend the Fleshlight: http://www.fleshlight.com,  its the highest rated sleeve for a reason: material, snugness, and feel.

This sleeve provides a heightened level of sexual stimulation while masturbating or having your partner do the work.  The fleshlight is an adjunct to hand stimulation and eliminates the anthropomorphic aspect of a full doll.

The feel of a doll, just in your hand. Plus its much easier to keep private vs. hiding your doll in the closet when company visits.

The above example of Davecat shows the significant pitfalls of sex dolls.

He is replacing real human relationships with an inanimate object.  This behavior is most likely to avoid rejection/social anxiety, improving his interpersonal skills, emotional pain,  and prevent loneliness.

His doll/human relationship has easily turned into pathological behavior.

It is worth the pain, possible loneliness, difficult path of self growth, and rejection to experience the joy in loving, mutual relationships.

His doll may be his life long guarantee.

Yet love and relationships IS LIFE.

So buy a doll, or get a sleeve and KEEP the real relationships going.


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