Category Archives: Oral Sex

A Reader Asks About Blow Jobs, Painful Sex, and Her Husbands Sex with Others

Question… : My husband has been having sex with another women, because I have never been able to perform oral sex on him the way he wants.

I was a virgin when we met and have never had any experience prior.

I have tried to learn, but I can’t please him.

I also have a problem with him inserting his penis in my vagina.

My vagina seems to be tilted and when he does get it in, it causes me pain.

I want to go to a therapist, but unsure how to locate one or what to do.

Dear Reader, You note a variety of factors in your current situation.
I will address four areas for your interest.
The first is that your husband has chosen to obtain his sexual needs with another partner.
The concept of an open relationship is very workable and can be liberating in a committed relationship.  This decision is about respecting each others sexual and emotional needs and it is best not to enter into such a relationship lightly.
Cheating
  I am wondering whether you made the decision to have an open marriage based upon a poly-amorous philosophy or merely because you feel unable to meet his sexual needs.
If it is about his needs only, I am concerned this may challenge your self esteem and feelings of worth. If you plan to end the open aspect of your marriage after you feel comfortable sexually, you may want to reconsider your current situation.
Secondly, if you are having difficulty performing oral sex on your husband, there are a variety of books and tips to help assist you in providing a fantastic blow job:

Plus a variety of web articles and video such as:
Giving oral sex is not only about accommodating your partners penis in your mouth, you may lick, stroke, and utilize a masturbation sleeve for more of an sucking sensation. You can purchase one at :
fleshlight
If you are using a variety of techniques and are open to experimentation and your partner is still not satisfied, then he just might be using that as an excuse to gain sexual pleasure outside of the marriage.
Third, you mention concerns with vaginal pain during penetrative intercourse.
I recommend you visit your OB/GYN to explore possible physical abnormalities and search collaboratively for treatments to assist you in a pleasurable intercourse experience.
Sex-Positions
If you find no significant vaginal abnormalities outside of a tilted vaginal canal, I suggest using a variety of sexual positions to find the one that provides you with comfort during penetration.
It is very important to be fully lubricated by your natural vaginal lubrication or through aids such as Astroglide, as well as receiving a significant amount of stimulation on your whole body that includes your breasts and clitoris.
When women are not fully aroused, pain is not uncommon.
You may find this article helpful:
Lastly, I believe couples therapy would be very beneficial to address your concerns.
To find a certified sex therapist visit: www.aasect.org; you may also find sex therapists on www.psychologytoday.com where you type in your location and sexual therapy as a specialty to locate professionals in your area.
I hope these tips help you in creating the relationship you desire and deserve.
May you experience pleasure in your bedroom and comfort in your relationship choices whether that is an open or monogamous marriage.
This question came into We Want More
and as a trusted Expert for We Want More I responded

What is the Best Sex You’ve Ever Had? Was it Hall of Fame Worthy?

What is the Best Sex You’ve Ever Had? Was it Hall of Fame Worthy?

My newest Footballandsex.com blog ponders the characteristics that categorizes the best sex we’ve ever experienced.  It was influenced by the recent enshrinement of seven NFL athletes/coaches in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

A few share their necessary adjectives and brief highlighted sexual experiences.  Add yours, I’m interested.


Heart of Sex

heartThe American Heart Association and the European Society of Cardiology released a statement Monday urging physicians to discuss sex with their cardiac patients post heart attack, transplant, stroke, implanted heart device or other heart conditions, as well as, counseling their partners.

According to the AHA, Counseling should address topics such as when to resume sex, specific methods and recommended positions, and the role of intimacy without sex.

The Washington Post reported that, It’s billed as the first scientific statement with detailed guidance on resuming sex.

In Eduardo Chapunoff’s book, Heart Disease & Sex, he writes that 50% of post heart attack and implantable defibrillator patients don’t return to having sexual intercourse.  This news is sad and discouraging for a large portion of our population, which includes myself and my husband.

When people think of heart disease, they often associate it with the 70 year old and older crowd.  Even though the statistics are higher as we age, this stereotype excludes a significant portion of those with heart disease under the age of 50.  Additionally, it limits the importance of  sexual activity as we tend to de-sexualize those in their senior years.  The recommendation by the AHA helps to end the view that elderly sex is not important and adds to the value of remaining sexually active with cardiac and other health conditions.

At the age of  25, I was diagnosed with  Cardiomyopathy (a weak heart muscle often leading to transplantation, life longtwo hearts medication and even death)  I was not interested in ending my sex life.  I wanted sex until my life ended and thought humorously, what a way to go!   I wanted intimacy to continue to be a significant part of my relationship and sex expression.

At that time, Doctors did not inquire about my sex life or provide suggestions; it was I, who hounded them about expectations, effects and my abilities.  My husband asked the potential risk to him if during sexual activity, my pacemaker/defibrillator provided a treatment, aka shocked me.  He was informed that he’d feel a bit of a jolt, but for it not to dissuade him.  I reminded him that he always knew I was ‘electrifying’.

icd

 

The intensity of my cardiac symptoms and medication made sexual interest, arousal, and response challenging for a handful of years.  Now after 16 years post diagnosis, two pacemakers, and stabilization on my medications, my sexual expression and interest are pretty high.  I am lucky to have no restrictions on my sex life.  Oh the endless possibilities.

But wait, my 38 year old husband decided last month to have a near fatal heart attack, have surgery, and be placed in a hypo-thermic coma. Beyond a miracle is his survival.  Now it is he, who is dealing with the multiple effects of heart disease, medications and life adjustments.  Luckily, he’s married to a sex therapist, cardiac patient, and supportive partner ( I believe he’d agree)

When my husband asked the Dr about his sex life, specifically when he can have sex again, the Dr laughed noting it was the first question men ask post heart attack. Now providers can be on the same track as their patients.  We want to effectively treat our condition and get back to our lives….our sex lives in particular.

I am ready to return to the endless opportunities in the bedroom with my partner; it will take a bit of time and hopefully a lot of practice.

Listed are the AHA guidelines to resuming sex with heart disease and more:

General precautions listed in the statement include:  (I have added my two cents in red below)

—Before resuming sex, make sure you can engage in moderate physical activity, such as walking briskly up two flights of stairs, without chest pain, breathlessness or other symptoms.

Make sure you are strong enough to walk slowly.  When engaging in sex, remain a passive partner until your stamina increases.  Enjoy lying flat during intercourse and receiving oral sex.  If providing stimulation to your partner, lie relaxed on your side with a pillow supporting your head and back.

—If moderate activity is too strenuous, avoid intercourse but not intimacy: hugging and kissing may be OK.

Only hugging and kissing??? Thats enjoyable but why exclude being masturbated by your partner or receiving oral sex. Occasionally deep kissing can lead to shortness of breath, take breaks that allow you to breathe and gently kiss other parts of the body.

—Have sex in a comfortable, familiar place and avoid things that could add stress to the experience, including extramarital affairs.

Interesting, have a heart attack, end your affair?? You can read my articles on non-monogamy

—Tell your doctor about any symptoms during sex, including chest pain, dizziness or insomnia afterward.

—Some positions may not be safe. Heart bypass surgery patients should avoid being on top in the missionary position, and Steinke said having sex in a more “upright position” may be easier for some heart failure patients, whose symptoms may include shortness of breath.

spooningRecommended positions for male patients : partner on top in an arm less chair, missionary-  partner on top, lying side by side in a spoon position, standing on the side of the bed with  partner on their back near edge of bed or on their stomach with their rear lifted  – lean your weight on the bed to reduce feeling dizzy or use your hands for support.

 

Female patients: side by side spooning position, missionary with partner on top and weight on their knees to avoid pressure to your chest/abdomen, rear rear entryentry with pillows under chest and stomach for support, lying on your back with bottom to edge of bed with partner standing.  If your head is too low, you may feel dizzy, support your head or elevate it slightly.

Cheers to the American Heart Association.

Myself as well as many others are interested in the endless possibilities to sex even with a cardiac condition.

 

 

 

 


Naughty Newt

“Newt Gingrich is so pro-marriage, he can’t stop doing it. He is so morally upright, that he’s only had sex after he was married. Just not always to the woman he was married to.” —Stephen Colbert

“In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, ‘Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.'” —Conan O’Brien

By now, most of us are aware of the recent snafu at the Republican Primary Debate where moderator John King opened the event by asking Newt Gingrinch about his ex-wife’s claim that he asked her for an open marriage.

Fireworks at CNN Debate

In my opinion, the only reason this story is relevant is due to Newt’s strong stance on traditional family values.

I had no care that President Clinton received oral sex by another while married.  His sexual behavior did not affect me and it should not have affected our country.

But we’re a sex obsessed culture, who feeds off  scandals, and does an excellent job distracting us from real life concerns.

I am even  a proponent for open marriage as an alternative to traditional monogamy, so why am I bothered about Newt?

NEWT’S  BLATANT HYPOCRISY!

The whole ‘practice what you preach’ philosophy.

We have seen over and over again the ones admonishing sex in society,  are in deed acting out on those same admonishments.

Ted Haggard.

Jimmy Swaggart.

Jim Bakker.

Senator David Vitter.

Larry Craig.

George Alan Rakers.

Coy Privette.

http://www.justprove.it/blog/12-biggest-christian-evangelist-sex-scandals/, http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1721111_1721210_1906894,00.html

I selected the above men due to the wonderful mix of sex, religion and politics (three of my favorite topics).

Yet this can be a toxic mix if your message or values oppose your own behavior.

The Kings of Hypocrisy.

If you want to take a stand on a topic such as traditional marriage, I assume you are also engaging in such a  marriage yourself.

Newt- I can care less how you get your rocks off,  just get off your soap box.

When marriage rights are prevented to gay and lesbian couples because supporters such as the Duplicitous Newt Gingrinch emphasize marriage is ‘supposed’ to be between one man and one woman.

Then hypocrisy flourishes while human rights are denied, judged, demoralized.

Newt, get honest, live your life as you wish.

Be a Naught Newt.

Leave your bedroom politics out of our homes, relationships and our country.  Leave traditional marriage to those who wish you have one and give others the right to be in one.


Sex: “The Female Orgasm”

Discussing the female orgasm.  Stimulation, Timing, Communication, Pleasure and Fun.

Did I say, ‘direct clitoral stimulation’, Ahhh yes I believe I did.

Here’s to smart, safe, fun sex and hopefully an orgasm.


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