Tag Archives: dating tips

Eat me Tom Cat

There is an unusual phenomenon regarding cats and mice and its all due to a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii.

“It uses a remarkable trick to spread from rodents to cats: It alters the brains of infected rats and mice so that they become attracted to—rather than repelled by—the scent of their predators. A new study reveals that rodents infected with the parasitic protozoa are drawn to the smell of cat urine, apparently having lost their otherwise natural aversion to the scent.”

“There are a million examples of parasites manipulating host behavior,” said Robert Sapolsky, a Stanford University neuroscientist who collaborated with Vyas.”

 

 

In other words:

Mouse infected by Toxoplasma gondii

Mouse likes cat

Cat eats mouse

Parasite breeds in the gut of Cat

Cat poops

A new mouse eats the poop and likes cat

Cat eats mouse

And the cycle continues.

Humans too can be affected by this parasite but whether behavioral effects occur are controversial in the science community.

What we do know is even without this toxic brainwashing parasite in our own brains, we too can ask the Tomcat to eat us.

Figuratively of course.

 

 

 

 

Tomcats and mice are metaphors for the toxic relationships and situations in which we may place ourselves.

 
When we act like the infected mouse, we are walking into and staying in, toxic relationships.

 

According to LiveStrong, and author Dr. Cindy Solliday-McRoy

These are 36 signs you are in a toxic relationship:

“1. Your partner constantly puts you down verbally, in private or in front of others.

2. Your partner makes you feel ugly and stupid.

3. Your partner tells you s/he loves you but her/his behavior suggests otherwise.

4. Your partner does not want you to see or talk to friends or family.

5. Your partner is jealous of the time you spend with your kids.

6. Your partner constantly accuses you of being unfaithful to her/him.

7. Your partner shows up often at your work unexpectedly just to check-up on you.

8. Your partner opens and reads your mail before giving it to you.

9. Your partner calls you or text messages you often to see what you are doing.

10. Your partner hides from you what s/he is up to and gets angry when you “pry” into her/his business.

11. You feel depressed, anxious or “crazy” over your relationship.

12. You cry more often that you laugh or smile over your relationship.

13. Your partner says you would have the perfect relationship if only you would change.

14. Your partner wants you to be dependent on her/him.

15. Your partner does things for you and then uses them to make you feel obligated.

16. You never know who is going to show-up, “Dr. Jeckel or Mr. Hyde.”

17. You feel like you’re on a never-ending E-motional roller coaster ride.

18. When it’s good, it’s really good, but what it’s bad it’s a nightmare.

19. You can’t wait for the “honeymoon” period, after the fight.

20. Your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments, wants and needs are devalued.

21. You don’t know who you are anymore without her/him.

22. You feel like you couldn’t survive without her/her

23. You feel like your whole word revolves around her/him.

24. Your friends/family don’t like your partner or don’t think s/he is good for you.

25. You have changed things about your-Self to suit your partner, even when it’s not your taste.

26. You always go where your partner wants to, like movies, restaurants, etc.

27. You have no idea what your likes, dislikes, wants, needs or preferences are anymore.

28. You feel afraid or unsafe with your partner.

29. You afraid to speak the truth with your partner for fear of upsetting him/her.

30. You feel like you have to walk on egg shells whenever you’re with your partner.

31. You don’t feel you have control of your life anymore.

32. Your self-esteem is lower since you’ve been with your partner.

33. You stay in the relationship because you think no one else would want you.

34. You think it’s up to you to make the relationship work.

35. You keep secrets about your relationship from others who love you because they wouldn’t understand.

36. You can’t remember the last time you felt truly happy for more than a few days, perhaps hours, at a time.”

Pay attention to the above signs.

Set limits and healthy boundaries

Talk with friends and family

Get support and stop presenting yourself to the hungry Tomcat.

Tomcat…you’re not going to eat this one!


Sex, too early?

A recent article in the New York Times entitled Cheap Dates: How the price of sex has dropped to record lows, surmised 25% of young women are having sex within the first week of dating, therefore drastically reducing the ‘costs’ of sex and lowering marriage rates.

In essence, men are getting more bang for their buck.

Thirty percent of young men’s sexual relationships involve no romance at all.

No wooing

No dating

Nothing.

Just sex.

With a lower social ‘price’ for sex, the expectations of the males’ role in dating and in potential future marriage drastically changes.

This sounds like the old adage of ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free’.

Mayrav Saar puts it bluntly, “If women collectively decided to cross their legs, the price of sex would soar and women would regain control of the market. Like a whoopie cartel.”

In other words, use sex as a tool to lure men into your ‘venus fly trap’ in order to gain a marriage proposal!

If sex is a pawn, the only benefactor may be your vibrator.

Patti Stanger, the Hollywood ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ recommends no sex until there is an exclusive committed monogamous relationship.  Her goal of course is to get you from first date to engaged in one year and married soon after.

What about women who would like a relationship, aren’t obsessed with marriage, and love having sex.

It doesn’t seem fair to hold out until an exclusive committed monogamous relationships occurs.

We don’t buy a car without test driving it, how can one decide to become monogamous with a partner, if they haven’t tasted all the other has to offer?

This  just wait, increase the social price, get a commitment first message, seems to me just another way to shame women back into a sexual repressive time.  This message appears to be backed by our cultures double message regarding male/female sexual activity.

I haven’t seen an article targeted to males that emphasizes waiting to engage in sex with their partner to increase the chances of a marriage (outside of the religious abstinence till marriage message).

If the beginning of a relationship is based more on sexual attraction and activity and less on interest, values, commonality, and so on, its not likely to go long term.

This doesn’t seem to be about sex too early, but about really liking the person outside of the bedroom.

The low cost of sex can remain as it may, yet uncrossing your legs when you’re interested, aroused, safe and smart…..sounds like an enjoyable choice to me. 

You decide when the time is right, whether that’s in the first week or not.


Catching Your Man…or the Average Joe at least.

Many tips discuss sexy outfits, flirtatiousness and being a challenge.

I, on the other hand, will add tips (some of them sexist…and yes I remain a feminist) to add to your chances of catching the man of your interest.

1. Set Realistic Expectations:

There is no man in shining armor.  If you want someone to rescue you, it will fail as only you can only rescue yourself.

No man is perfect.  He may be a knight in rusty armor: so look for smarts, sobriety, stability, humor, respect, openness, & playfulness. Pay attention to his history.  You can change no one, rescue no one.

No mate will ‘complete you’. Unlike the line in Jerry McGuire, “You complete Me”, its just a pipe dream.  A man can enhance your life, empower you, inspire you, care about you….yet not complete you.  You are responsible to fulfill yourself, complete yourself.  If you rely on another to meet all those needs, they will unfortunately fail you as no one person can do all that.

Constant Attention and Fawning is a NO GO.  If you want a slew of attention, then get it from multiple sources not just one person.  Yes we want a lot of attention from our date, partner, spouse, yet 100%  won’t happen.  They are not the fan club of one.

Different interest can enhance a relationship. Don’t mold to become a twin of your date. Be yourself. Have your own interest.   Share them, enjoy them on your own, keep that part of you.  Don’t lose yourself.

Your body is great just the way it is.  I hear too often in my practice, ‘well if I would loose a little weight’, ‘maybe if I got bigger boobs’, ‘why would he want to have sex with me with this body’.  If you change up your body, do it for health, do it because you feel good. You can have a ’10’ figure and your partner still may not be interested in you.  Remember beauty is not only on the outside.

Marriage isn’t happily ever after. Marriage is a lot of work.  It is not a destination.  Its is a life journey full of work, compromise, commitment, communication and hopefully lots of copulation. Yet the key word is work!  Stop chasing the ring. Chase your dream.  Enjoy your life with your partner.

2.Confidence and Smarts are Key

When you like who you are, know whats going on, and can have a decent intellectual conversation….you’re game!

No one wants a ding bat, a wimpy-whiney wendy, and a please validate that I don’t look fat in these jeans girl.

Have your own interests, hobbies, and friends.  Be independent.  Strive to learn. Participate in the community.  When you have these things, you open your self up to attraction.  Others will be attracted to you. Widen your circle, date, play.

Get educated, get smart, get confident!

3. Sex

This is another area where confidence and smarts will benefit you.

Don’t behave like your a raw piece of meat begging to be placed on his grill, saying ‘cook me’, ‘eat me’.  You don’t need to jump on the stripper pole, show you’re thong during the bend over, talk about giving the best blow job.  Take care of yourself, confidence exudes sexiness & be assertive NOT aggressive.  Just because he has sex with you doesn’t mean anything other than- you had sex.  Don’t use sex for validation.

Have sex because you’re interested, being safe (birth control), aware of the complications,want to share yourself with this person.

Enjoy your body and the pleasure it brings. Share yourself openly, respectfully, playfully.

Enjoy full body love play.

Feel confident in your sexual skills.  Enjoy giving as much as receiving.  Men like blow jobs; we like to see pleasure on our partners face.

Every man enjoys a confident and smart woman who loves giving blow jobs.

4. Food

We all love food.

Start cooking.

Enjoy food, savor it, cook it, eat it.

We all like a good cook, a great hostess, and eating with a partner who enjoys flavor, texture, complexity, wine pairings and more.  Plus who doesn’t love a nice full belly.

My mother used to say ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’, this has merit even today.

5. Football

You may not be a sports fan, yet if you open up and learn, you and your partner can have a great time together.  Attending sporting events has a fun social atmosphere, cheer, and is a great date.  Football is one of the best sports. Its exciting and  action packed!  Men on the field, tight pants, meaty muscles, sweat dripping down, Foh yeah….need I say more!  If football isn’t your thing, try out other sports, baseball, racing, basketball, and even golf.  Women who like the game, show game!

6. Genuineness and Fun

No need to put on an act, be yourself.

Have fun.

Be open to new experiences.

Tips to Catching Your Man:

1. Realistic Expectations

2. Confidence and Smarts

3. Sex

4. Food

5. Football/Sports

6. Genuineness and Fun

Have more tips?  Share!


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