Tag Archives: ejaculation

Performance Pressure: Jay Cutler Style….and yours?

Many have speculated on Chicago Bears Quarter Back, Jay Cutlers, football performance for this upcoming season

All eyes are watching….will he flop (yes I know he was injured) as he did in last seasons NFC championship game?

Saturdays preseason game, the  Bears v. Bills, showed only a little Cutler action.

He was off the field after only one series (yes I know its preseason, but most of us wanted a least a little more of his time on the field).

According to AP Writer Andrew Seligman, “The way Cutler was running around, it sure felt like last season. Sacked a league-leading 52 times a year ago, there wasn’t much he could do Saturday with the defense bearing down on him. At least this one didn’t end with a knee injury or with the outside attacks on his toughness, as his previous appearance at Soldier Field…”

To top that off, the Bears Beat  noted Cutler in their  “Hall of Shame” statistic: “FOX displayed a graphic that noted that Cutler is the first Bears quarterback in franchise history to pass for more than 3,000 yards in consecutive seasons, which he did between 2009 and 2010. That clearly defines just how bad quarterbacking has been in this city for so long because that statistic is awful. Some franchises have consecutive 3,500- to 4,000-yard passers these days.”

Even with a Bears win, Cutler remains under the microscope for his performance.

Three more preseason games to go before his official launch on September 11th against the Falcons.

That’s when we’ll see Cutler’s real performance.

Aren’t you glad you aren’t under such pressure (maybe you wouldn’t mind with his paycheck)?

Yet, sometimes you ARE under such pressure; its just different circumstances with  less viewers, limited critics, and a few fans.

Its the pressure men place on themselves in the bedroom, on their sex life!

Imagine being Cutler and  having a whole field, sport pundits, fans and TV viewers to rely on you, grade your performance, and even let others know their full opinion of your game play.

Luckily, in our sex lives, its a much more private affair.  Despite this privacy, men tend to put high pressures on themselves as if they were in Cutlers shoes.

The pressure is on!

You may be thinking of:

Your erection (will it get up, come on get up, whats your problem! better stay hard, better use it quick before it goes down)

Your  ability to orgasm or not to orgasm too quickly (don’t cum, don’t cum, wait, wait….oops)

Whether you’re partner is enjoying the sex

Will you get more sex

Will she/he be pleased

Will you have the right moves (your hands, tongue, mouth, penis)

When one focuses so much on the ‘performance’ aspect of sex, they loose the perspective of pleasure and having good sex  (which is what we all want right?).

So we’re lucky, limited viewers, low pressure, with the only exception…..the pressure you place upon yourself.

Penises can be like adolescents, if you tell them to do something, they often want to do just the opposite.

If you focus so much on an erection, your penis will make up his own stubborn mind and it often isn’t the answer you want.

If you are worried about ejaculating then you have again started the mind game that takes your focus off of your partner, your pleasure, enjoyment and satisfaction, and instead on the ‘end result’.

If the only goal of sex was to have an orgasm, most of us would just stick with masturbation, as an orgasm is near guaranteed with ourselves.

We want sex with others because it heightens our pleasure, our experience and adds a whole new dimension.

Switch your brain to these questions:

Does this feel good?

Do I like this touch/stimulation?

Am I enjoying touching my partner?

Is this fun/passionate/open/respectful?

If you answer YES to these questions, then performance is OUT of the window and pleasure is IN!

Many in sports psychology will tell you that the person has to shut out the criticism, the viewers, and being under the microscope of fame, and to instead focus only on the task at hand.

You. The Ball. The Team. The PLAY.

In the bedroom, it is best to focus on:

You. Your Partner. Pleasure.  PLAY!

So lets excitedly watch the Bears this season.

Jay Cutler will do whatever he can do, even with the pressure. (cautiously optimistic)

You on the other hand can choose if pressure is a part of your style…..or if you would rather choose PLEASURE.

Sex: If it does not end with orgasm, How do I know when its over?

This is part two of my video blog addressing the sexual issues of: Orgasms, how fast is too fast= Rapid Ejaculation.

I noted in my first video blog that sex does not end just because the male ejaculates….this comment lead to many emails. I received questions such as “when IS  sex over”,  “How long do I need to stay awake”, “Really?!?, Well I’m done”.

Enjoy the video to gain a better understanding of when sex is over  and ending with two satisfied people.

Ochocino was too fast on the bull, lasting only 1.5 seconds; Do you ever wonder if you’re too fast?

Many men worry they are too quick to ejaculate during sex.   Rapid ejaculation is noted  as the highest sexual concern (dysfunction) listed by men aged 18-59, with a rate of  25-45%.  So how fast is too fast?

Ochocinco was too fast during his recent bull ride this past weekend where he rode a mere 1.5 seconds. To top it off he appeared to be full of braggadocio both before and after the very short ride.

http://youtu.be/OGAJ8ctgTuo                  (This is a shot of the bull with Ocho falling off the left side)

In order for a bull rider to score points, they must ride a minimum of 8 seconds.   In this case 8 seconds is the goal–that wouldn’t work so well in the bedroom. Bull riding is scored on two fronts: the rider and the bull.  When judging the rider, points are given for control, rhythm and matching the movement of the bull, style and spurring.  This scoring style humorously parallels positives in the bedroom: rhythm, matching partner, and style.

Eight seconds is the goal on the bull, in the bedroom 3 to 13 minutes is considered ‘good enough’. If you are having a full body love play session, a typical time frame is 45 minutes.  How does good sex range from 3 minutes to 45?

Type…timing…stimulation…mutual desires…context

Three minutes is great for a quickie! Grab your partner, bend them over the kitchen table and bam- 3 minutes fun and playful sex.  It works. This would not continue to work if it were the only style you used. Your partner would just look at their watch, whistle, and its done. It also wouldn’t work so well to have 45 minute sex bent over the kitchen table…say bruises and leg cramps anyone?  While being the ‘giver’ of (oral) sex to a man, three minutes can be preferable over the 10 to 15 minute my jaw is hurting, I’m occasionally gagging, and ready to breathe regularly now, sex .

If you were planning a full romantic night and just started with the love play and oh my…not yet…3 minutes- it might not feel too satisfying. Good enough sex shows a great level of variety and its all within context. 3 minutes great here, fail there.  When speaking with men about their concerns related to rapid ejaculation, it seems they most often judge intercourse as the fastest orgasm inducer.  When someone is engaged in a 45 minute love play session…with mutual or self masturbation, oral sex and intercourse plus, they have a stop start, restart stimulating whole body method; therefore not receiving a 100% direct and non stop penile stimulus.  If the man is engaging in intercourse only: going for the pure thrusting motion without stop, he receives a constant level of friction, tightness and speed. This combination is very stimulating and without a withdraw, change of stimulus, breather…most men ejaculate in 3 to 5 minutes.  So stop judging yourself, realize intercourse feels great and to keep your erection lasting longer add diversity, breathe and enjoy.

When you take your mind off of the pleasure of the feelings and satisfaction of being with your partner and instead focus on ‘don’t cum’ thoughts….you have just ended good sex. You have disengaged from pleasure and engaged in performance oriented, self judging sex. No fun!  The whole ‘whose on third base’ thoughts on baseball to reduce your focus on the stimulation or pleasure you’re receiving also distracts or disengages you.  Focus on the pleasure, the person, the experience, and Enjoy! Performance is out and Pleasure is in. You and your partner can decide if you feel ejaculation is happening too quickly to your mutual satisfaction.

Remember just because you have an orgasm doesn’t mean sex is over, its over when both you and your partner decide.

In  bull riding, once you’re off the bull- you’re done.  In sex, once you ejaculate you still have hands and a mouth and can continue the ‘ride’.

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