Tag Archives: fetish

I’ve Got a Secret

This weekend, my head was full of ‘ear worms’, you know when a song gets stuck in your head and you can’t get it out.

While at the grocery store, the song “Cult of Personality” came on and I could barely tolerate my shopping, then against any conscious choice, it kept repeating in my head long after my trip.

The Cult of Personality was replaced the following day with yet another ‘ear worm’ which was luckily one of my favorite artists, Kate Nash – her song, “I’ve got a secret”.  I was regularly humming this tune throughout my home most of the day.

Kate Nash I’ve got a secret

secret“I’ve got a secret”, could possibly be a theme song for my work.

Many people enter sexual therapy holding on to, then revealing their sexual secrets.

I am really with ______ (other person)

I really like to _____, but could never tell my spouse.

You won’t believe what I did, I’m so embarrassed.

This may shock you, but….

I masturbate thinking about _______, am I normal?

What gets me off most in bed is______But if my partner knew, I think they’d reject me.

Marty Klein, one of my favorite sex therapists, wrote a book entitled, Your Sexual Secrets . (1988)

Marty states,

“You learned it as a child:  sex is bad. But like all the other kids, you had sexual thought and feelings.  Early on you learned the Secrecy Imperative: to avoid punishment, rejection, and abandonment you’d better keep your sexuality a secret….Accepting sexual experiences and feelings leads to a sense of choice…(people) can choose to share sexual thoughts with their loved ones, or they may choose to maintain their secrets, with the conscious awareness that they are doing so.  Either choice can bring healing to people and to relationships.”

He notes there are actually good reasons to share some of your sexual secrets if the following goals are possible:

Getting closer to your partnerseduction

Improving your sexual relationship

Increasing your self esteem

Reducing the physical or emotional stresses of secrecy

Changing a relationship, or supporting a current change (page 151)

 

 

Potential scenarios where it could behoove one to disclose their secret may be:

You enjoy anal stimulation and would like to include it in your love play but are uncertain of your partners reaction…..you never know till you ask.

You fantasize about grangagged-and-bound1ny porn and want to watch these films occasionally during sex with your partner.

You are more aroused by your partners toes than the rest of their body, ask to incorporate toe play during sex.

You want to be gagged and bound at times when you’re turned on, ask your partner to try it.

You are interested in polyamory, discuss what it would be like to open the relationship to other partners.

There is a lot of love to go around.

 

Marty suggests not to disclose sexual secrets if your intent is to:

Get Revenge

Punish or Humilitate

Relieve a heavy burden of guilt

Invite criticism and punishment

To test a relationship

To create a smokescreen (pg 162)

The largest theme of sexual secrets in  my office has nothing to do with criminal behavior, harm to others, or true deviancy.  It is mostly self judgement and shame of relatively normative sexual behaviors.

If the behavior is:

Consensualconsensual

Between adults

Is respectful to the self and the other

Then….its normal

Feet fetishes, polyamory, anal pleasure, granny porn, gagged and bound, as well as many more sexual behaviors are all normal.

One may argue and say its disrespectful to watch granny porn when partners are sexual together….if so, then you explore ways to keep aroused that are considered mutually respectful and sexually satisfying.

Another argument is around the secrecy of affairs; one may ask how does that respect the self and the other?  If the parties engaging in sex together do so as consenting adults and feel respected by the other, then that is considered normative sexual behavior.  The spouse on the other hand may have a much different opinion.  Morals are a different topic from scientific norms.

ive got a secretYou get to decide the secrets you tell.

You decide whether you hold onto self judgement, guilt or shame.

You decide how and to whom to disclose, if ever.

We all have some secrets, either big or small.

The popularity of our secrets has lead to the highly successful website: post secrethttp://www.postsecret.com

Its anonymous with the exception that you submit and we (the voyeurs) read.

 

I’ll end with my continual ear worm, Kate Nash:

“Ive got a secret,  I can’t tell you….you would judge”

 

 

 


“Oh Doll Face, I Love You”, The Strange Fetish of Adult Sex Dolls

While perusing the “Buzz Feed” website , a video clip came up which highlighted unusual addictions and fetishes.

Click here for the article and video clips:

10 Strange Fetishes and Addictions, (balloons, bubble gum, eating chalk, etc)

The TLC  channel has a series titled, “My Strange Addiction”, which highlights various oddities such as the adult doll fetish.

The top of the line adult erotic doll is created by “Realdoll”.

http://www.realdoll.com/cgi-bin/snav.rd

One can choose body shape, height, weight, shoe size, breast size, hair/eye/nail polish, skin color, hair style and even your pubic hair preference with a list of colors from which to select. So the drapes don’t necessarily have to match the carpet.

Your ‘perfect’ woman.

With penetrable orifices in the mouth, vaginal and anal area.

A male version is also available or you can just purchase the ‘bottoms up’ model which is merely a part section of the behind and upper thigh.

Go ahead, order one.  It comes with a cost: the base line model sells for $5999.00.

I guess that is cheaper than 10 years worth of dates. Real woman can be pretty expensive, of which I reminded of by my own husband.

While watching an episode clip, I was taken by a man living in the Detroit area who lives with and has a long term relationship with…..his adult doll.

This gentleman, named Davecat, appears to interact with his ‘doll’ in a highly anthropomorphic manner.

Sleeping and eating together, dressing and grooming her, even posing for couples photos together as well as giving her an individualized personality full of interests, wants and desires.

I bet her libido is a PERFECT match for his.

Most of us are familiar with the blow up sex doll at a bachelor party, yet where did this all come from?

The dame de voyage (French) or dama de viaje (Spanish) was a direct predecessor to today’s sex dolls that originated in the seventeenth century. Dames de voyage were makeshift fornicatory dolls made of sewn cloth or old clothes, used by French and Spanish sailors while isolated at sea during long voyages.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_doll

“In August 1955, Max Weissbrodt of the Hausser/Elastolin company created one of the first sex dolls to be marketed as such: an 11.5-inch plastic figurine named Bild Lilli, modeled after the hypersexualized appearance of a cartoon character named Lilli”

The readily available blow up doll can be purchased for around $100 yet the imitation is poor, the orifices are more of a beach ball with a hole vs the top of the line silicon product of today.

If the price is to high, or you’re just not sure if the doll is for you, no worry, you can fly to Toyko to rent a doll and a room at Doru no Mori.  Take it on a test drive.

The future of sex dolls appears to be: CybOrgasMatrix or True Companion dolls, as they are using “an innovative material—a very elastic gel with a strong shape memory, which they have shown in side-by-side tests is superior to silicone in elasticity, shape memory, and durability. Additional options: heat, a pelvic thruster motor, audio dialogue, personality types: shy, horny,experienced, young…..a real SEX BOT.

http://www.truecompanion.com/home.html

http://cyborgasmatrix.com/DollsTorso_Gallery.htm.

To purchase a Cyborgasmatrix female torso appears to be more affordable, as  this one is just under $1000.00. This torso has less aesthetics than the real doll, yet looking at the features of heat, audio and pelvic thrusts, may make her more ‘attractive’ to a buyer.

How freaky is this sex doll fetish?

If used on occasion it can provide as an instance source of sexual gratification without any effort, energy or talking afterwards.

The key word is ‘occasionally’.

And yes it is ‘freaky,’ but its only in excess that it’s ‘crazy’.

If you’d like to take  a big step down from the Sex Bot but would like to explore sexual stimulation from an inanimate object,  Masturbation Sleeves are the way to go.

I highly recommend the Fleshlight: http://www.fleshlight.com,  its the highest rated sleeve for a reason: material, snugness, and feel.

This sleeve provides a heightened level of sexual stimulation while masturbating or having your partner do the work.  The fleshlight is an adjunct to hand stimulation and eliminates the anthropomorphic aspect of a full doll.

The feel of a doll, just in your hand. Plus its much easier to keep private vs. hiding your doll in the closet when company visits.

The above example of Davecat shows the significant pitfalls of sex dolls.

He is replacing real human relationships with an inanimate object.  This behavior is most likely to avoid rejection/social anxiety, improving his interpersonal skills, emotional pain,  and prevent loneliness.

His doll/human relationship has easily turned into pathological behavior.

It is worth the pain, possible loneliness, difficult path of self growth, and rejection to experience the joy in loving, mutual relationships.

His doll may be his life long guarantee.

Yet love and relationships IS LIFE.

So buy a doll, or get a sleeve and KEEP the real relationships going.


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