Tag Archives: football

Sex and Football

Its time!

NFL and College Football is back!

The games are on, we’re cheering, yelling, praying and at times doing ridiculous rituals to promote our team to a victory.  Don’t forget the obsessive checking of our fantasy football stats.

In an article I wrote for the bleacher report, entitled ‘Football + Sex + Pastrami Sandwich = Heaven’

I allude to the pleasures of football, sex and food.  It appears easy to get the food aspect in during a game, yet what about sex?

Why do we need to skip sex while watching a football game or even wait until half-time?

One could easily have had sex on Saturday throughout the Michigan vs. Eastern Michigan game with a final score of Michigan 31 v. Eastern 3.  Or Purdue 59 v SE Missouri 0 (and Purdue’s even on their 3rd string QB,  SE must really stink). Or even Ohio State 6 v.  Miami (FL) 24 (so long Tressel)

Those games needed some spicing up.   Go ahead have a sex romp,  you aren’t going to miss much.

The field is open and so is your sex schedule.

It is much harder to determine the right time for sex when the game is really going: close calls, a tight game , killer plays and even injuries, we want to see it all!

Yesterdays Eagles 31 v. Falcons 35, was one such game, with Vicks head to head collision with his teammate that caused a concussion, its hard to take your eyes off the screen.  Well I guess when Vick walked off the field during the 3rd quarter we could’ve shifted our attentions, as the Eagles scored nothing in the last quarter.

Another exciting game played yesterday was by the Cardinals 21 v. Redskins 22, the fourth quarter was a nail biter and the Redskins came in for the win with a field goal.

So how do we go about getting the tri-fecta and more (football, sex, computer for fantasy stats, beer and food).

Timing and the sexual behavior which one engages in is key.

During an exciting game, go for the blow job.  Sit in your recliner, TV in front of you, computer/beer/food on table near you and the person of your fancy between your legs.  Remember to look down, don’t forget the hand in our hair, the moans and more. Plus if your partner doesn’t swallow, you’ll have napkins close by.

This morning I read an excellent erotic short story regarding oral sex and football, I highly recommend you click to read:

All in the Eyes

Another option is the handjob.  Get out some buffalo wings, turn on college ball and relive your old days with a handjob. I recommend lotion vs. KY lubes for a handjob.  It moisturizes your partners hands, smells good and leaves you nice and soft afterward without the need to clean up sticky lube.

When its getting later in the evening on a Sunday night (best and most popular time couples have sex in the U.S.), a great option is the rear entry or doggie style on the bed.  You and your partner face the screen,  enjoying intercourse with the game right in front of you.  Rear entry is one of the most popular positions for both males and females due to the intensity, tightness and friction.  Plus the male has two free hands to stimulate the breasts, buttocks, clitoris and more.

Enjoy football and get on your game!

Sex and Football what a great combo.

Performance Pressure: Jay Cutler Style….and yours?

Many have speculated on Chicago Bears Quarter Back, Jay Cutlers, football performance for this upcoming season

All eyes are watching….will he flop (yes I know he was injured) as he did in last seasons NFC championship game?

Saturdays preseason game, the  Bears v. Bills, showed only a little Cutler action.

He was off the field after only one series (yes I know its preseason, but most of us wanted a least a little more of his time on the field).

According to AP Writer Andrew Seligman, “The way Cutler was running around, it sure felt like last season. Sacked a league-leading 52 times a year ago, there wasn’t much he could do Saturday with the defense bearing down on him. At least this one didn’t end with a knee injury or with the outside attacks on his toughness, as his previous appearance at Soldier Field…”

To top that off, the Bears Beat  noted Cutler in their  “Hall of Shame” statistic: “FOX displayed a graphic that noted that Cutler is the first Bears quarterback in franchise history to pass for more than 3,000 yards in consecutive seasons, which he did between 2009 and 2010. That clearly defines just how bad quarterbacking has been in this city for so long because that statistic is awful. Some franchises have consecutive 3,500- to 4,000-yard passers these days.”

Even with a Bears win, Cutler remains under the microscope for his performance.

Three more preseason games to go before his official launch on September 11th against the Falcons.

That’s when we’ll see Cutler’s real performance.

Aren’t you glad you aren’t under such pressure (maybe you wouldn’t mind with his paycheck)?

Yet, sometimes you ARE under such pressure; its just different circumstances with  less viewers, limited critics, and a few fans.

Its the pressure men place on themselves in the bedroom, on their sex life!

Imagine being Cutler and  having a whole field, sport pundits, fans and TV viewers to rely on you, grade your performance, and even let others know their full opinion of your game play.

Luckily, in our sex lives, its a much more private affair.  Despite this privacy, men tend to put high pressures on themselves as if they were in Cutlers shoes.

The pressure is on!

You may be thinking of:

Your erection (will it get up, come on get up, whats your problem! better stay hard, better use it quick before it goes down)

Your  ability to orgasm or not to orgasm too quickly (don’t cum, don’t cum, wait, wait….oops)

Whether you’re partner is enjoying the sex

Will you get more sex

Will she/he be pleased

Will you have the right moves (your hands, tongue, mouth, penis)

When one focuses so much on the ‘performance’ aspect of sex, they loose the perspective of pleasure and having good sex  (which is what we all want right?).

So we’re lucky, limited viewers, low pressure, with the only exception…..the pressure you place upon yourself.

Penises can be like adolescents, if you tell them to do something, they often want to do just the opposite.

If you focus so much on an erection, your penis will make up his own stubborn mind and it often isn’t the answer you want.

If you are worried about ejaculating then you have again started the mind game that takes your focus off of your partner, your pleasure, enjoyment and satisfaction, and instead on the ‘end result’.

If the only goal of sex was to have an orgasm, most of us would just stick with masturbation, as an orgasm is near guaranteed with ourselves.

We want sex with others because it heightens our pleasure, our experience and adds a whole new dimension.

Switch your brain to these questions:

Does this feel good?

Do I like this touch/stimulation?

Am I enjoying touching my partner?

Is this fun/passionate/open/respectful?

If you answer YES to these questions, then performance is OUT of the window and pleasure is IN!

Many in sports psychology will tell you that the person has to shut out the criticism, the viewers, and being under the microscope of fame, and to instead focus only on the task at hand.

You. The Ball. The Team. The PLAY.

In the bedroom, it is best to focus on:

You. Your Partner. Pleasure.  PLAY!

So lets excitedly watch the Bears this season.

Jay Cutler will do whatever he can do, even with the pressure. (cautiously optimistic)

You on the other hand can choose if pressure is a part of your style…..or if you would rather choose PLEASURE.

2011 Fantasy Football: Get Your Fantasy and Game on with 12 Draft Tips

 Its prime time to draft your players and teams for this years fantasy  football.  

NFLsoup.com listed “Draft Tips for Success”, providing 12 tips to create  your dream team.

As a sex therapist, I’d like to think these 12 steps can also aid us in our sexual  fantasies.

As fantasy is a natural part of who we are; engaging in fantasy is  arousing, creative, free and pleasurable.

Here’s the 12 fantasy football draft tips for both football fans with my version for our own private fantasies.


1. Don’t Wing It.

Strategy is important when selecting your team, yet in the role of fantasy:

Spontaneity Rules.

Just think of the ease with which a new fantasy can enter our mind: walking down the street, sitting in the doctors office, attending a sporting event, and more.

The beauty in our environment can easily spark multiple fantasies per day.

Some will be fleeting, whereas others you can stock away for your fantasy file for later “use”.


2. Don’t Go Through the Motions.

In fantasy, as in life, we must manage our impulses.

Many times we can’t act when sexual thoughts comes to our mind.

When the time and place are right, go for it.

Enjoy the fantasy.


Experience the sensations and imagery you have created while skipping out on any robotic or habitual tendency.

Focus on the pleasure our mind and body can provide.




3. Don’t Worry about Bye Weeks.

Just as some of our favorite teams get a break.

So does our fantasy life.

Your mind may feel limited, your libido down, or you may struggle with an ability to “perform” with yourself or your partner.

Life happens.

Even the best of lovers have bad sex 15% of the time.

The more you obsess, the worst it can get.

Go with the flow, be patient with your self, and be open to pleasure not performance.



4. Get the Best Talent Available.

A common sexual fantasy is to have sex with a famous person.

It is near impossible to actually have sex with a Victoria Secret model or top actress, yet when it comes to our mind-

We really CAN get the best talent available.









5. Keep your Options Open.

Some may feel uncomfortable fantasizing about someone other than their partner.

This is only problematic if it becomes an obsessive focus or you act on your fantasy, which may threaten a monogamous

So, if you can control yourself… grab healthy adult images that stimulate you and go for it.

This also applies to sexual behaviors which you may never dream of doing in real life yet turns you on during fantasy, such as an orgy, stranger sex, being tied up, spanked, or public sex.

When it stays in your mind, almost anything is an option.



6. Take Some Chances.

If you have a solid relationship with your partner, you may open up and suggest you share your fantasies.

You both might decide to keep it private or even act out a fantasy, as long as it remains adult, consensual and respectful to all parties involved.

If you get turned on by costumes and would love to see your partner dressed as a cheerleader, let her know.

Taking a chance might lead to some fun exploration and add spice to your sex life.









7. Get a Rookie

The Internet offers a variety of images to stimulate our imagination.

Check out the new up and coming pornography stars or even amateur porn.

You might even want to ask your partner if they would be open to video taping your love play, that way, the rookie is you.

Get in bed, grab some champagne, and bring out the video recorder. (privacy is essential, pay attention to what you do with the video after)





8. Balance Beats Elite

Anything in life which we take to an extreme can cause problems.

If we use fantasy to frequently avoid our real life and our partner, it will likely lead to problems.

Fantasy, erotic imagery, and sex CAN be fully enjoyed in a balanced manner.








9. Wait Till the End for the Kicker

There doesn’t seem much difference between the top kickers and the average guy.

In fantasy football, you can relax a bit and choose the kicker in the end. I

n dating and relationships, don’t underestimate the beauty of seemingly average women.

An average kicker, can surprise us and win the game, an average woman may even win your heart.



10. Mock Mock Till You Drop

“Overall, practice makes perfect, so it only makes sense to practice drafting a few times before the real thing goes down.” nflsoup.com

Fantasy, Masturbation, Adult Consensual Sex.

Be Smart.

Be Safe.

Have fun with your “Practice”.








11. READ the Papers.

Study, educate yourself on good sexual health practices, and learn about our bodies.

Understand what are sexual myths and develop a realistic sexual view.

What a fun and important topic to keep up to date.





12. Have Fun!

What is sex without fun?

Enjoy your body.



Fantasy is fun…..as is football.

Have a blast with your fantasy football team, your fantasies, and your intimate life.


Ten Things Favre Would Tell Cam:Ten Things I Would Tell Him Also.

Dan Van Wie wrote an article in The Bleacher Report entitled “Cam Newton: Top Ten Things Brett Favre Would Tell The Rookie QB as his Mentor” (5/18/11).

  1. Learn How to Bide your Time as a Rookie.
  2. How to Use your Fame for Endorsement Deals.
  3. How to Command Credibility and Respect.
  4. QB Style: Their Games Don’t Exactly Match Up.
  5. Talk about Being an Entertainer and Icon and The Social Media.
  6. Know When its Time to Walk Away.
  7. How to Stay in Shape.
  8. How to Read the NFL Defense.
  9. How to Deal with the Media.
  10. How to Retain your Passion for the Game and Keep Having Fun.

I would highly encourage you to read his elaboration on the above 10.

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/703031-top-10-things-brett-favre-would-tell-cam-newton-as-his-mentor   [photo: theepochtimes.com]

Mr Van Wie’s list inspired me to make my own Top Ten list, one that parallels the main message above with the underpinnings of sex and relationships, as a “Sexual Mentor”.

1) Patience my Dear, Female Orgasms take Time.  Men are straight shooters, on average having orgasms 90% of the time.   Men’s orgasms are faster and appear to be easier to achieve.  If a man is engaging in intercourse without pause, he will most likely ejaculate in 3 to 5 minutes.  As many things can be more difficult with females, orgasms can present a challenge.  With intercourse only, 20% of women achieve orgasm. Why the discrepancy?  The female core of pleasure nerves lie in the clitoris (more nerve endings than in the whole penis); intercourse provides some direct and indirect stimulation of the clitoris during thrusting motion yet often not enough needed to put us over the top.  Even though orgasm isn’t the goal in sex- pleasure is….. clitoral stimulation over 15 to 20 minutes time, often gets us there. Total body and genital stimulation helps women to orgasm 60+% of the time.  So Cam, be patient, vary stimulation/speed/lubrication and patiently wait for her big “O”.

2) How to Use your Fame to Select your Sexual Partners. The women will come in droves, many at the doorstep all ready.  Gaining a sexual partner will be as easy as pointing your finger. Selecting wisely and with safe sex strategies another.  When Favre metaphorically got in bed with Madden it drastically boosted his endorsement deals and widened his fan base- this strategy benefitted: player, product, and fan.  When you choose who to literally go to bed with, think about: their sexual history, sobriety, respect to all parties involved, safe sex, a person with both brains and beauty, and their motives. It may be fun just to have sex with the swarms of women that come your way without consideration for many of the above thoughts, yet unwise choices with unhealthy (emotionally &/or physically) people are very heavy. Select a bed partner that benefits: you, the sexual partner and your future.

3)Gain Credibility and Respect in the Bedroom. Self respect is the first step to gaining respect from others.  When one respects themselves they tend to make choices that reflect integrity and character.  Eliminate the B.S., don’t say ‘I love you’ or ‘I’ll call you’ unless you mean it; don’t make any false promises to the ladies. Make sure sexual behaviors are reciprocated….sex is only a one sided pleasure when masturbating.  Show selectiveness when choosing a sexual partner. Friends with benefits does exist yet you have to maintain the friends part or it just becomes a person to call for sex when interested.  Exhibit humbleness, I’m not saying don’t be proud of the sexual skills you’ve developed or not to acknowledge your physique yet do so in a humble manner. Ask a woman what she wants, sexually and afterwards. Always have safe sex, it respects both you and your sexual partner. Condoms may interfere with 100% penile sensation (giving you instead 90%) yet it feels a lot better than pissing fire when you have an STD or of course, having a life threatening illness-(HIV).   (I recommend Trojan Skyn or Durex extra sensitive for increased sensation)

4) Whether a QB or an Average Joe, Size only Says So Much: We hear a lot about the size of the male penis; it seems bigger is better. Yet this is not always the case.  When penises are too large they can create pain in the vagina and to the cervix and well as be almost impossible to place in your mouth-both in diameter and length. I have never heard a woman discuss the size of her vagina…I doubt women really even know the ‘average’ size of the vaginal canal.  Vaginas in their daily state are around 3 1/2 inches in length, once aroused they can expand up to 5 1/2 inches or so.  This mean that the man with a ‘reported’ 7 1/2″ penis, doesn’t even need 2 of those inches.  Typical penises are between 5 to 6 inches when erect.  It appears that the diameter/width of a penis is more related to pleasure due to the feeling of fullness women gain and enjoy.   5 1/2 inches is enough, the rest is for show.  Despite its size, its how you use it to both you and your partners satisfaction. My message to the men out there whether you are a large or small penis guy- enjoy and use what you have- stop comparisons, wrap it up, and get your game on!

5) The Spotlight can Light You Up or Burn You. Being in the position of a popular sports figure plus with the advantages of attractiveness, athleticism, and funds,  the opportunity to meet and date highly attractive females will come with relative ease.  When the spotlight is on, it is easy and without conscience attention to become a ego maniac- everyone loves me, I can get anything I want, I am invincible, bring it!  Well a part of it true, fans with love you, ladies will cling to you,your attractiveness is obvious, yet you will remain human and under scrutiny of the press.  As humans we all make mistakes, guaranteed. The unfortunate part of being in the spotlight is that everyone gets to see, hear or read about your mistakes both on and off the field.  Use your charm and skill to shine and humbleness to lessen the burn.

6)Sometimes  you Walk. Knowing when to walk away and doing it, is two different things. We often know when we are making unwise decisions in relationships or just in the bedroom and we frequently say ‘oh well, what the hell’, yet repeating this pattern will lead you to a dead end.  As a ‘cake eater’ myself meaning – I want my cake and eat it too- I can recognize the desires to gain, obtain, and experience.  Surprising as it may be, those that gain all their ‘wants/desires’ often report unhappiness and general dissatisfaction with life.  It appears that healthy limits and boundaries increase happiness!  So- not getting ‘everything’ we want benefits us. Learning when to walk away shows wisdom and can lead to a happier life.

7) Regular Sex is Good for your Health. Engaging in safe sex 3 or more times per week reduces your risk of heart attack and stroke by 50%!  Its boosts immunity 30%, improves circulation and sleep, burns calories and is fun. Ejaculating 5 times or more per week drastically reduces your risk for prostate cancer and is even linked to a longer life span.

8) Learning to Read others is  Challenging. Emotional IQ is just as, if not more so, important than intellectual IQ. Emotional Intellect is perceiving, using, understanding and regulating emotions in both ourselves and in others. Learning to read the defensive line in play can be difficult, now trying to read or better understand both yourself and others- thats a big challenge that takes time, insight, self awareness, and practice. This skill will not only benefit you as an athlete but also as a man. I recommend you accept this challenge.

9) Media’s pitfalls  Outside of the obvious  paparazzi, all eyes will be on you. That not only includes your performance on the field but off.  Easy ways to avoid pitfalls:  a.) no sex with underage girls          b.) no sex texting    c.)no penis pics       d.) don’t videotape yourself having sex or let others tape you     e.) don’t have sex with your friends woman or your household help  f.) manage your substance consumption so you don’t look like a drunken fool out on the town   g.) always use a condom to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STD’s  h.) don’t say you have tiger blood   i.) don’t refer to yourself in 3rd person …many more can be added to this list, but its a good starting point.

10) Maintaining Passion and Zest in your Relationships.  If you choose to engage in a monogamous relationship, it will have many rewards and some challenges, such as how to maintain passion in the bedroom.  There are many ways one can maintain or create passion in the bedroom: vary up sex,  enact or share fantasies, keep flirting, be a team player at home and contribute, date, prioritize, surprise, and… keep dating.  Women want sex, adventure, validation and a companion.

The list of 10 Tips from this “Sexual Mentor” can help you succeed in your own game. Enjoy the practice, suit up and PLAY!

Ochocino was too fast on the bull, lasting only 1.5 seconds; Do you ever wonder if you’re too fast?

Many men worry they are too quick to ejaculate during sex.   Rapid ejaculation is noted  as the highest sexual concern (dysfunction) listed by men aged 18-59, with a rate of  25-45%.  So how fast is too fast?

Ochocinco was too fast during his recent bull ride this past weekend where he rode a mere 1.5 seconds. To top it off he appeared to be full of braggadocio both before and after the very short ride.

http://youtu.be/OGAJ8ctgTuo                  (This is a shot of the bull with Ocho falling off the left side)

In order for a bull rider to score points, they must ride a minimum of 8 seconds.   In this case 8 seconds is the goal–that wouldn’t work so well in the bedroom. Bull riding is scored on two fronts: the rider and the bull.  When judging the rider, points are given for control, rhythm and matching the movement of the bull, style and spurring.  This scoring style humorously parallels positives in the bedroom: rhythm, matching partner, and style.

Eight seconds is the goal on the bull, in the bedroom 3 to 13 minutes is considered ‘good enough’. If you are having a full body love play session, a typical time frame is 45 minutes.  How does good sex range from 3 minutes to 45?

Type…timing…stimulation…mutual desires…context

Three minutes is great for a quickie! Grab your partner, bend them over the kitchen table and bam- 3 minutes fun and playful sex.  It works. This would not continue to work if it were the only style you used. Your partner would just look at their watch, whistle, and its done. It also wouldn’t work so well to have 45 minute sex bent over the kitchen table…say bruises and leg cramps anyone?  While being the ‘giver’ of (oral) sex to a man, three minutes can be preferable over the 10 to 15 minute my jaw is hurting, I’m occasionally gagging, and ready to breathe regularly now, sex .

If you were planning a full romantic night and just started with the love play and oh my…not yet…3 minutes- it might not feel too satisfying. Good enough sex shows a great level of variety and its all within context. 3 minutes great here, fail there.  When speaking with men about their concerns related to rapid ejaculation, it seems they most often judge intercourse as the fastest orgasm inducer.  When someone is engaged in a 45 minute love play session…with mutual or self masturbation, oral sex and intercourse plus, they have a stop start, restart stimulating whole body method; therefore not receiving a 100% direct and non stop penile stimulus.  If the man is engaging in intercourse only: going for the pure thrusting motion without stop, he receives a constant level of friction, tightness and speed. This combination is very stimulating and without a withdraw, change of stimulus, breather…most men ejaculate in 3 to 5 minutes.  So stop judging yourself, realize intercourse feels great and to keep your erection lasting longer add diversity, breathe and enjoy.

When you take your mind off of the pleasure of the feelings and satisfaction of being with your partner and instead focus on ‘don’t cum’ thoughts….you have just ended good sex. You have disengaged from pleasure and engaged in performance oriented, self judging sex. No fun!  The whole ‘whose on third base’ thoughts on baseball to reduce your focus on the stimulation or pleasure you’re receiving also distracts or disengages you.  Focus on the pleasure, the person, the experience, and Enjoy! Performance is out and Pleasure is in. You and your partner can decide if you feel ejaculation is happening too quickly to your mutual satisfaction.

Remember just because you have an orgasm doesn’t mean sex is over, its over when both you and your partner decide.

In  bull riding, once you’re off the bull- you’re done.  In sex, once you ejaculate you still have hands and a mouth and can continue the ‘ride’.

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