Tag Archives: Kris Humphries

Divorce, Schivorce….Give Me a Break

One of the latest Hollywood couples to call it quits is Katy Perry and Russell Brand.

What may have led to the demise of their marriage after only 14 months?

The tabloids report possible marital concerns with Brand’s flirty behavior at his recovery meetings (such a great place to pick someone up!), his kinky sex life (allegedly turned on by sex with men in wheelchairs), his emotional unavailability, and her vigorous touring/traveling schedule.

Sometimes, I ask, why are we even surprised or care for that matter?

Yet, frustration abounds when it appears the lack of effort and seriousness people place on their marriage.

Marriage can be a bear, or a bitch for that matter at times, but its worth the work.

We cannot know the truth about the Perry/Brand marriage or the real reasons behind their split.  We can, however, look at a more global marital experience and say – if abuse, harm, or danger did not occur in the marriage, doesn’t it deserve more time, effort, and behavior change from both parties to see the potentials in self growth and the possibility of improved couple cohesion.

A spouse will not ‘complete you’ or be a saving grace nor create your happiness.

They can however, push us to grow, explore who we are, support us in our passions and in our difficult times, enhance our own happiness, add more laughter to our life, light a fire under our behinds when we need it and add some heat in the bedroom.

The epitome of marital collapse at warp speed is the Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries total of 72 days of marriage. 

Is that even enough time to engage in couples counseling, seek spiritual guidance, allow time to actually work through their problems?   I think not.

Time, effort, and support are key to working through conflict.

Patience, respect, and flexibility help us get there.

We live in a culture of immediate gratification; the view that our spouse is to be our perfect soul mate, to meet all of our needs, and to be a continual source of happiness.

These are obviously unrealistic expectation of any partner.

Spouse’s aren’t perfect, and neither are we.

So give me a break.

Quickie marriages, quickie divorces.

Marriage can be a bear….Deal with it!

A great article on thinking twice about divorce is from Dr. Margaret Paul at InnerBonding:

http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/1612/marriage-help-if-you-are-thinking-of-getting-a-divorce-think-again.html


Kardashian’s Marriage…..and ours.

Everyone knows Kim Kardashian wed NBA star Kris Humphries this past Saturday in a lavish ceremony.

Their dating to married time only equals 9 months.

Yet the shows rating, interest in the wedding and more, have brought in a lot of money,  interest and ever increasing social exposure.

It seems the couple actually made money getting married through sponsors, donations, photos rights and an upcoming televised ceremony.

Most of us have very little in common with the socialite in the ways of funds, exposure (or over-exposure), life luxuries and the like, yet being married has many commonalities.

Due to her Hollywood status, this being her second marriage, and their short courtship, Kims marriage to Kris Humphries is more likely to end in divorce than the main stream American marriage.

First marriages have around a 34% chance of leading to divorce.  When one adds a second marriage to the mix, the statistics worsen.

Psychology Today stated that a whopping 60% of remarriages fail.  And they do so even more quickly; after an average of 10 years, 37% of remarriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.

These statistic may cause us to ask “Why marry in the first place?”

The most common themes in marital conflict are:

Finances, Children and Sex.

Kim’s first husband, music producer Damon Thomas, has publicly noted her shopaholic tendencies and financial over-indulgences which contributed to the demise of their marriage.

Marriages face many additional challenges when a person doesn’t truly understand who they are as an individual: spiritually/emotionally/physically.

This can lead to conflicts surrounding jealousy, roles, dependency, control, anger issues,  unrealistic expectations, insecurities and more.

An added element is how marriage has changed over just the past 100 years: the age of marriage, courtship times, partnership selection, children born, the role of women, and general martial expectations.

Past expectations appear to be financial, housing, large families, women staying in the home or helping with the farm, and family stability.

Our current expectations have changed along with our changing world.

We have dual careers, wait later in life to marry, delay having children and reduce the amount of children each couple has, financial security, and of course marry for love.

We even expect our spouse to be our spiritual, emotional, and sexual equal to enhance our lives on a daily basis.

These changing as well as unrealistic expectations may be the springboard for divorce.

In a marriage, two individuals from different backgrounds attempt to make a life together.  Many want their partner to mold to fit their historical pattern, continue to maintain a high level of lust and attraction, meet their communication, chore, role, financial and emotional needs.

When our partners don’t fit that mold, wish list, and expectations, it will often lead to long term miserable marriages or divorce.

Strong marriages utilize problem solving skills, respect differences, encourage the others individuality and interest, balance roles, communicate, and create a support network that helps to meet their individual and marital needs.

Marriages are tough, even with the best of partners.

We can feel stuck, stifled, and bored. 

A spouse is not 1/2 of who we are.

Their job isn’t to complete us.

There will not be a knight in shining armor coming to your rescue. (maybe in rusty armor that’s a lot of fun, has shared values, is safe, empowering and loving)

Its easy to have ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ mode of thinking, yet my response is ‘you have to mow it all the same’ (even if you want to roll in the grass, smell it and taste it- monotony, boredom, frustrations and conflicts will occur).

When we look at our partner as an individual with many differences, care about them, encourage them to be the best they can be, focus on problem solving,  our own self care, compromise, communication, and a strong social network for support, and define what the marriage is for us, we will increase the chances of our martial success.

Marriage isn’t to be defined by the church or society.

You and your spouse decide what is the right fit, values, morals, and activities that work best for the two of you.

A spouse is a compliment to who we are, a team mate, a life partner, one of which can help us grow emotionally, spiritually and even intellectually at times.

So we have something in common with Mrs. Kim Kardashian-Humphries…..marriage.

One hard, long-term commitment.

Yet with effort, practice, respect, compassion, compromise, and fun, you may actually really enjoy it!


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