Tag Archives: porn

Fifty Shades of Fantasy NOT Real Life Violence

In the Journal of Women’s Health, their recently released study “Double Crap!” Abuse and Harmed Identity in Fifty Shades of Greyfifty shades of grey (Released August 11, 2013)

the authors reports their results and conclusions:

Emotional abuse is present in nearly every interaction, including: stalking…intimidation…isolation…Sexual violence is pervasive—including using alcohol to compromise Anastasia’s consent…Anastasia experiences reactions typical of abused women, including: constant perceived threat… altered identity… and stressful managing… Anastasia becomes disempowered and entrapped in the relationship as her behaviors become mechanized in response to Christian’s abuse.

Our analysis identified patterns in Fifty Shades that reflect pervasive intimate partner violence—one of the biggest problems of our time. Further, our analysis adds to a growing body of literature noting dangerous violence standards being perpetuated in popular culture.

I do not concur with the results and conclusions.

If I were to read the erotic novel looking for behaviors that may resemble abuse yet do not view it in the context of fantasy, erotic writing, consensual BDSM, then of course I would say it exhibited violence.

Yet without the proper context how can we objectively view Fifty Shades of Grey  as the researchers conclude.

Does this mean that when I read Harry Potter, I may believe I am a wizard and need to fear for my life from the Death Eaters or do I read it as fiction, an adventure, an excellent tale with spellbinding  plots and characters.

I would postulate that Harry Potter harry and voldemortexperienced significant violence throughout his journeys: repeated assassination attempts, stalking by the Death Eaters, he resided in a state of perpetual fear; felt intimidated by his peers, followers of Voldemort and Voldemort himself, he was often disbelieved in reporting the truth therefore living in harms way on a daily basis.  Truth and love potions were utilized to engage subjects into behaving in altered states.

Harry and his crew were frequently trapped, dis-empowered, harmed, and challenged by adults, creatures, and wizards.

True child abuse and neglect as defined by anyone, yet it is the fantasy context in which we put aside our labels of violence and turn on our imaginations and escape into a wonderful story.

Do we limit this type of fantasy so that we avoid spell casting, broom flying, potion making and fighting the evil powers.  If we did engage in such behavior, I do believe we may ostracize ourselves, be labeled with delusional disorder or schizophrenia, and suffer low self esteem from the repeated failure of our wizardry skills.

harry potter sexyOr if I dress up for Halloween in a sexualized Gryffindor costume, am I pedophilic in doing so, or engaging in fantasy and utilizing a costume to participate in both a holiday and role play.

If one participates in safe, consensual BDSM (Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism),  these behaviors can be view as highly pleasurable and regularly sought after.  The individual that views it as violence would not consensually engage in said behaviors because they are not consenting to power play and physical stimulation that is out of the mainstay of vanilla sex.

Life is in context.

If my husband blindfolds me, pushes me on the bed and spanks me with a metal spatula for pleasure in the privacy of my bedroom & we are both consenting parties; it is drastically different than if a colleague walks into my office, pushes me on the floor, blindfolds me and hits me repeatedly with his clipboard.

See the differences?

Role play, consent, agreed upon, stimulation….not entrapment, physical abuse and violence.

Context is EVERYTHING.

As a sex therapist, I would challenge many aspects of Anastasia orgasmic ability.  She loses her virginity, has no clitoral stimulation and has an world class orgasm.  The chances of this are slim to none in real life.  Women tend to be orgasmic female orgasmbetween 60+% of the time with clitoral stimulation, intercourse alone, that number drops to 20%. Christian is virtually erect 24 hours of a day and ready to perform for hours at a time.  Do I then research and present my case that Fifty Shades of Grey places unrealistic sexual expectations of both male AND female readers?   No. Its the same as in the porn industry; its a performance art with editing, angles and placards to remind them to holler.

While reading the erotic novel two years ago on St Patricks Day, I decided to add my Guinness beer to my reading pleasure, and have a drink each time Anastasia experienced an orgasm.  That was a bit tipsy making for my afternoon.  My husband said to me, wow you just drank two Guineness, why yes I replied, Anastasia cums A LOT.

It is the point of fantasy.

Do we want Anastasia to have an occasional yeast infection, vaginal discomfort and sexual refusals after multiple objects and his penis has been in her over and over within a 24 period of time… as this is more like real life.

As readers, we want intensity, excitement, orgasmic explosions, sexual performances that should be in the record books.   We want our bodies to feel titillated by Christian and Anastasia’s sex life.

We want the passion, the all encompassing feelings dom and xof pleasure, the  escape into bondage, sense deprivation, the surprise of touch, the heat of the whip.

Yes overpower me, consume me, please me.

This sounds delightful to me and not anything close to violence.

Both of their behaviors were ridiculous outside of the bedroom.  Dramatic, insecure, jealous, over the top.  Even the biting of the lip became nauseating after some time.  Yet if you skip over the relational drama and dive into their sexual escapades, you can enjoy the fantasy.

BDSM is for safe, sane, consensual sexual play that can lead to a vast level of pleasure.

The unrealistic story of the uber attractive, way too young to be a millionaire, multi talented Christian and the insecure innocent Anastasia is just that…..a story.

You decide:  Is Fifty Shades of Grey more violent than Harry Potter?

Double Crap??!!??  I can only say EL James is NOT a  JK Rowlings.

I’ll take BOTH.

Yes!

Double Fantasy!!

 


Dirty Dirty Dirty…………SHOW

I had the privilege to attend the Detroit Dirty Show this past weekend.

It is a platform for erotic art in various forms.  According to DirtyDetroit.com, its mission is to promote, publish and propagate erotic art in all forms… Held every Valentine’s Weekend, the show features a large number of artists, from first-timers to the famous at their dirtiest.

Many images may appear to some as pornographic, yet it is the beauty of the body and our sexuality that is exhibited not the specific sexual acts portrayed in action.

The art displayed ranged from erotic photography as shown here as well as playful ‘machines’, live performances, metal art, sculpture and more.

Live art was exhibited on two stages; one stage showed  a variety of performers from burlesque dancers, skits, singing, and drag shows.

The other stage showed the Japanese erotic art of rope bondage called: SHIBARI also known as KINBAKU.  It serves not only as binding but as body art, emphasizing our features with beautifully tied knots and hanging devices.

Exhibiting the bondage aspect of power and helplessness with beauty and aesthetic.  One can see how the ropes emphasize the curvature and shape of the body.

Walking around the show, one can see the average Joe as well as others dressed in provocative and playful ways.

Outside of the surprise and obvious subculture seen in this venue.  What jumped out to me was Freedom.

Freedom to be yourself without judgement, Freedom and comfort in your sexual expression, Freedom from the restraints of everyday society, Freedom to be playful, erotic, and safe all at the same time.

Some may say ‘freaks’ or ‘wrong’ but I say normal.

One of the most common questions I receive as a sexual therapist is: Am I Normal?  My response:  If its adult, consensual, and respectful to all parties, then YES it Normal!

If you want to get your ‘freak’ on, the Detroit Dirty show is a great way to exhibit or watch an open venue of erotic and safe expression.

             Be Free!

I apologize for the lack of citation for the photos posted, as I took pictures of the art without writing down the artist. I encourage you to attend to experience the Dirty Show first hand.



Porn on a Plane

Not Snakes or Samuel Jackson just porn,  Porn on a Plane.

Ryanair, a European airline, uses sex appeal and low prices to win customers and even over come big names such as Aer

Lingus.

“In 2008, O’Leary famously said that business class on Ryanair’s long-haul flights would include “beds and blowjobs” at a press conference.”

The company’s tendency to use sex to sell is now going to a whole new level with their proposal of  a scandalous new in-flight app that will allow passengers to screen porn at 30,000 feet.

According to The Sun, the proposed app for iPads or smartphones would allow passengers to play games, gamble or even watch raunchy movies. “Hotels around the world have it, so why wouldn’t we?” Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary told the paper. He also noted that he wouldn’t be broadcasting porn on seat-back TVs.

If the plan ever takes off, it’s estimated that it would take a year to implement.”

In flight, one can already pop a DVD into their computer and watch what they may or even pay for Wi-Fi to access the internet and pornography.

O’Leary noted the success of porn in the hotel industry.

Is it surprising that airlines are wanting to cash in too?

Fifty percent of hotel guests, purchase pornography during their overnight stay which  accounts for nearly 70 percent of major hotel  in-room profits.

Would the airlines have a similar response?

The obviously big difference between a plane and a hotel room is of course privacy.

If a man or woman accessed porn while in flight, others would be able to view the screen.

This gentlemen created a unique version of privacy through his sweater.

Makes you wonder what he’s watching.

Although pornography is easily accessible and has high personal interest and popularity, there remains a time and a place, which in my opinion does not include a plane.

So Good Luck Ryanair, if you can get  privacy and porn, make sure you include some napkins, if not, just scrap the whole idea.

On the extreme end of pornography, privacy, and planes, a Utah man has been accused of watching child porn on a Delta flight from Salt Lake City to Boston this past Saturday.

Forty-seven year-old, Grant Smith, of Cottonwood Heights, Utah, a decorated science and engineering professor at the University of Utah, ‘was sitting in first class when a fellow passenger saw the pornographic images on Smith’s laptop and told flight crew, the Associated Press reports”.

Mr. Smith pleaded not guilty to child porn charges in a Boston court.  “Prosecutors said a flyer seated behind Smith in the first class cabin of the Salt Lake City to Boston flight spotted the pervy prof looking at kiddie porn on his MacBook and snapped a pic. The unidentified flyer then texted his son to call Massachusetts state cops before alerting the Delta crew, the Boston Globe reported.  A flight attendant asked Smith to close his laptop, but he was later seen scrambling to delete files from his computer, the Globe said.

Mr. Smith evidently didn’t have the clever sweater to hide his devious crime and fortunately an adult witnessed his behavior and reported him.  Child porn- always a bad idea and the epitome of a heinous crime. Porn on a plane- ust a  general bad idea.

I’ll pass on snakes, porn and even the over exposed Samuel Jackson, on a plane.

Give me a few sodas, some peanuts and a smooth ride  and I’m one happy passenger.


Porn Can Be Good for Us

Porn Addiction,  Porn Betrayal, Porn Interfering with a Good Sex Life,  ,  Porn  Promotes Violence and Harm to Women/Children, Porn is Sin .  (and I sigh….)

Recently many groups and professionals have been writing about the dangers of porn.

I will not deny the validity of some of these claims, yet I would also write:

Food Addiction, Financial Betrayal, Children in our Bed Nightly Interferes with a Good Sex Life,  Video Games May Promote Violence, Kiddie Pageants and Advertising Sexualize Our Girls,  Sin….thats something you must determine if its in your religious vocabulary.

My point being, many things in daily life can cause significant problems.

The anti-porn movement reminds me of the U.S. Prohibition starting in 1920 and lasting 13 years (and we all know just how successful that was in limiting consumption).  Yes alcohol can cause a lot of problems, yet to ban, criminalize, label as the devils juice,  because a portion of our population forms an addiction, is pure censorship and denial of our rights. Seriously, can you image it being illegal to enjoy a great Pinot Noir with a rich Italian meal, a nice cold beer with a hotdog at a baseball game, a margarita on girls night out ?

Lets make this even easier and look at book banning;  if some in our society had their way, we would not be reading Catcher and the Rye, The Diary of Anne Frank, A Brave New World (my favorite book), Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and so on.

Alcohol, a great read, and porn is part of our culture.

Many pundits discuss porn in relation to mens consumption and how it threatens marriage.

Lets immediately get away from the stereotype that is it men only watching porn as women are moving up the ranks in porn viewing.  “In the first three months of 2007, according to Nielsen/NetRatings, approximately one in three visitors to adult entertainment Web sites was female; during the same period, nearly 13 million American women were checking out porn online at least once each month.”  http://articles.cnn.com/2009-07-24/living/o.women.watching.porn_1_arousal-candida-royalle-explicit-sexual-imagery?_s=PM:LIVING

Then lets look at how porn allegedly threatens marriage.”A…spouse’s porn obsession was a factor in 56 percent of divorces” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/porn-and-divorce_b_861987.html

If someone consumes porn to the point that it alienates their partner, then it is an issue.  If they prefer porn to partnered sex, yes it is a problem.

Yet, again I could say that about men who are workaholics, sport nuts, men who would rather be working in their garage than with their wives and ignore or minimize their partnerships.

Despite the rampant claims that porn does harm, a recent article in Scientific American The Sunny Side of Smut, “There’s absolutely no evidence that pornography does anything negative,” says Milton Diamond, director of the Pacific Center for Sex and Society at the University of Hawaii at Manoa. “It’s a moral issue, not a factual issue.”

“Contrary to what many people believe, recent research shows that moderate pornography consumption does not make users more aggressive, promote sexism or harm relationships. If anything, some researchers suggest, exposure to pornography might make some people less likely to commit sexual crimes.”

“It turns out that among porn viewers, the amount of porn each subject consumed had nothing to do with his or her mental state. What mattered most, Twohig found, was whether the subjects tried to control their sexual thoughts and desires. The more they tried to clamp down on their urge for sex or porn, the more likely they were to consider their own pornography use a problem. The findings suggest that suppressing the desire to view pornography, for example, for moral or religious reasons, might actually strengthen the urge for it and exacerbate sexual problems. It’s all about “personal views and personal values,” Twohig says. In other words, the effects of pornography—positive or negative—have little to do with the medium itself and everything to do with the person viewing it.”   http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-sunny-side-of-smut&page=2

Finally, some news that porn can be good for us.

We like porn because its HOT, erotic, arouses us.

I even ‘prescribe’ porn on occasion for my clients.  It opens our eyes, gets our juices flowing and can enhance our sex life with ourselves and our partners.

Watch.

Enjoy.

Plug in to your partner, give them some attention, release your sexual energies, and have fun.


….Erotica….

The first time I read erotica was in 1993 at the age of 20.  I was a university exchange student in Austria and had the opportunity to travel throughout Europe both during and after the school semester.  During a three week backpacking trip through Germany, Belgium, France, and Spain, I became numb to the beauty in the architecture, to the amazement in the art museums, and even to the scenery. I grabbed a book titled “Women on Top” by Nancy Friday, and in 1993 it had over 500 pages full of fantasy in which I was enraptured.

I remember one day during a Venice train layover,  I walked out of the station and sat on the edge of a small bridge with a tiramisu gelato in one hand and “Women on Top” in the other.  I was so absorbed by the book that when I was ‘disturbed’ from my fantasy reading, I swore I heard the Italian gentleman say ” Do you want to F#@k?”  In my dramatic and hot tempered 20 year old way,  my eyes glared at him and I shouted “Go AWAY!”.  It was only hours later that I wondered what he actually said, did he really say that? !?  It would be just too odd for a man to walk up to a woman reading  on  a crowded bridge in the middle of the day and say such a thing, even in Italy it was unusual.  I just laughed at myself and realized it had to be that my head was so far stuck in the erotic gutter that I couldn’t even understand what others were saying. To this date over 18 years later, I have never been so entranced by an erotic book than on that bridge in 1993.

Erotic literature has been around for centuries, the first to be popularized was the, Decameron (1353) by the Italian Giovanni Boccaccio . The Decameron featured misbehaving monks and the seduction of nuns.  “Even five centuries after publication copies were seized and destroyed by the authorities in the USA and the UK.  For instance between 1954 and 1958 eight orders for destruction of the book were made by English magistrates.[19]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_literature

Despite the “Decameron’s” banning, it did not stop the creative flow of erotic writing.  The real ‘juice’ of early erotica does not only come from the taboo nature of the writing and publishing such work, but by the authors themselves. Author Aeneas Sylvius Piccolomini wrote “The Tale of Two Lovers” in 1444 that included full erotic imagery, after which he became the pope.  Yes Pope Pius II was a pornographer!

Today ‘sex’ is the most googled word on the internet.  Pornography is viewed 28,258 times per second with 70% men and 30% female watchers. EVery second $3,075 are spent on porn. This is a billion dollar industry!

http://articles.cnn.com/2009-07-24/living/o.women.watching.porn_1_arousal-candida-royalle-explicit-sexual-imagery?_s=PM:LIVING

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/porn/special/why.html

Nancy Friday’s “Women on Top” was first published in 1991 and today it still ranks as Amazon’s #37 book under the ‘Love and Romance’ section. Current best sellers in erotica at Borders Book Store’s are “Sweet Possession” and “Total Abandonment”, Amazon.com  lists “Hot and Steamy- Sizzling Sex Stories” and “Hunted”.

Angela Knight, Kresley Cole, Lora Leigh, and Sherrilyn Kenyon are known as top in their fields in erotic writing and their sales continue to boom. According to the Erotic Reader, “More women want more fiction about what’s going on between the sheets….

What does it take to be an erotic writer?

These days, some would say that it only takes the ability to send a text message or instant message. Although the start can be viewed as easy, one must have an open mind, expansive vocabulary, a positive view of sexuality, and creativity.

The creative mind can at times feel stifled by life and relationships.

Does one feel inclined to write erotica on a day after a conflict with their spouse, having a belly ache, looking at a pile of laundry? It seems that to write, one must also be relaxed, empowered, and somewhat aroused.  Erotic author Kiki Rockstar states “If you are not being turned on by your work, neither will the reader”.

To fuel their creativity, where does an erotic writer go to gain inspiration?

Watch a movie, think of a person,  read a poem or a story.  This Haiku alone may be enough to fill pages with a desirous narrative.

her seven button

blouse…

three undone

❧ Jeffrey Winke

http://poemshape.wordpress.com/2010/02/03/erotic-haiku/

One of  the main sexual concerns women report is lack of desire or interest in sex.  Statistic prove that reading erotica or watching some pornography can increase sexual desire in women.   We also know a seemingly guaranteed way to boost libido is through a new sexual partner, yet this is counterproductive to relationship success.  The fantasies of being with another individual can spark our physical and creative juices.  When you want something you can’t have or know you won’t have, it fuels the curiosity of the unknown….which as we all know is better imagined than the reality of what would be.  Erotica can take us to places we would never go or even want to, yet the transportation to that fantasy place, can give us such pleasure and inspiration.

Therefore, I formulize the essential component for writing erotica is….a muse!

Muses can take a myriad of forms: art, books, poety, movies, people, etc.  I know Nancy Friday and the contributing authors had to have a variety of muses to put together over 500 pages of pure sex.  Maybe the next erotic writing in which I become enraptured is my own.

Bring on the muses.

http://www.amazon.com/Women-Top-Nancy-Friday/dp/0671648454/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1304462694&sr=8-1


%d bloggers like this: