Tag Archives: safe sex

Catching Your Man…or the Average Joe at least.

Many tips discuss sexy outfits, flirtatiousness and being a challenge.

I, on the other hand, will add tips (some of them sexist…and yes I remain a feminist) to add to your chances of catching the man of your interest.

1. Set Realistic Expectations:

There is no man in shining armor.  If you want someone to rescue you, it will fail as only you can only rescue yourself.

No man is perfect.  He may be a knight in rusty armor: so look for smarts, sobriety, stability, humor, respect, openness, & playfulness. Pay attention to his history.  You can change no one, rescue no one.

No mate will ‘complete you’. Unlike the line in Jerry McGuire, “You complete Me”, its just a pipe dream.  A man can enhance your life, empower you, inspire you, care about you….yet not complete you.  You are responsible to fulfill yourself, complete yourself.  If you rely on another to meet all those needs, they will unfortunately fail you as no one person can do all that.

Constant Attention and Fawning is a NO GO.  If you want a slew of attention, then get it from multiple sources not just one person.  Yes we want a lot of attention from our date, partner, spouse, yet 100%  won’t happen.  They are not the fan club of one.

Different interest can enhance a relationship. Don’t mold to become a twin of your date. Be yourself. Have your own interest.   Share them, enjoy them on your own, keep that part of you.  Don’t lose yourself.

Your body is great just the way it is.  I hear too often in my practice, ‘well if I would loose a little weight’, ‘maybe if I got bigger boobs’, ‘why would he want to have sex with me with this body’.  If you change up your body, do it for health, do it because you feel good. You can have a ’10’ figure and your partner still may not be interested in you.  Remember beauty is not only on the outside.

Marriage isn’t happily ever after. Marriage is a lot of work.  It is not a destination.  Its is a life journey full of work, compromise, commitment, communication and hopefully lots of copulation. Yet the key word is work!  Stop chasing the ring. Chase your dream.  Enjoy your life with your partner.

2.Confidence and Smarts are Key

When you like who you are, know whats going on, and can have a decent intellectual conversation….you’re game!

No one wants a ding bat, a wimpy-whiney wendy, and a please validate that I don’t look fat in these jeans girl.

Have your own interests, hobbies, and friends.  Be independent.  Strive to learn. Participate in the community.  When you have these things, you open your self up to attraction.  Others will be attracted to you. Widen your circle, date, play.

Get educated, get smart, get confident!

3. Sex

This is another area where confidence and smarts will benefit you.

Don’t behave like your a raw piece of meat begging to be placed on his grill, saying ‘cook me’, ‘eat me’.  You don’t need to jump on the stripper pole, show you’re thong during the bend over, talk about giving the best blow job.  Take care of yourself, confidence exudes sexiness & be assertive NOT aggressive.  Just because he has sex with you doesn’t mean anything other than- you had sex.  Don’t use sex for validation.

Have sex because you’re interested, being safe (birth control), aware of the complications,want to share yourself with this person.

Enjoy your body and the pleasure it brings. Share yourself openly, respectfully, playfully.

Enjoy full body love play.

Feel confident in your sexual skills.  Enjoy giving as much as receiving.  Men like blow jobs; we like to see pleasure on our partners face.

Every man enjoys a confident and smart woman who loves giving blow jobs.

4. Food

We all love food.

Start cooking.

Enjoy food, savor it, cook it, eat it.

We all like a good cook, a great hostess, and eating with a partner who enjoys flavor, texture, complexity, wine pairings and more.  Plus who doesn’t love a nice full belly.

My mother used to say ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’, this has merit even today.

5. Football

You may not be a sports fan, yet if you open up and learn, you and your partner can have a great time together.  Attending sporting events has a fun social atmosphere, cheer, and is a great date.  Football is one of the best sports. Its exciting and  action packed!  Men on the field, tight pants, meaty muscles, sweat dripping down, Foh yeah….need I say more!  If football isn’t your thing, try out other sports, baseball, racing, basketball, and even golf.  Women who like the game, show game!

6. Genuineness and Fun

No need to put on an act, be yourself.

Have fun.

Be open to new experiences.

Tips to Catching Your Man:

1. Realistic Expectations

2. Confidence and Smarts

3. Sex

4. Food

5. Football/Sports

6. Genuineness and Fun

Have more tips?  Share!


Ten Things Favre Would Tell Cam:Ten Things I Would Tell Him Also.

Dan Van Wie wrote an article in The Bleacher Report entitled “Cam Newton: Top Ten Things Brett Favre Would Tell The Rookie QB as his Mentor” (5/18/11).

  1. Learn How to Bide your Time as a Rookie.
  2. How to Use your Fame for Endorsement Deals.
  3. How to Command Credibility and Respect.
  4. QB Style: Their Games Don’t Exactly Match Up.
  5. Talk about Being an Entertainer and Icon and The Social Media.
  6. Know When its Time to Walk Away.
  7. How to Stay in Shape.
  8. How to Read the NFL Defense.
  9. How to Deal with the Media.
  10. How to Retain your Passion for the Game and Keep Having Fun.

I would highly encourage you to read his elaboration on the above 10.

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/703031-top-10-things-brett-favre-would-tell-cam-newton-as-his-mentor   [photo: theepochtimes.com]

Mr Van Wie’s list inspired me to make my own Top Ten list, one that parallels the main message above with the underpinnings of sex and relationships, as a “Sexual Mentor”.

1) Patience my Dear, Female Orgasms take Time.  Men are straight shooters, on average having orgasms 90% of the time.   Men’s orgasms are faster and appear to be easier to achieve.  If a man is engaging in intercourse without pause, he will most likely ejaculate in 3 to 5 minutes.  As many things can be more difficult with females, orgasms can present a challenge.  With intercourse only, 20% of women achieve orgasm. Why the discrepancy?  The female core of pleasure nerves lie in the clitoris (more nerve endings than in the whole penis); intercourse provides some direct and indirect stimulation of the clitoris during thrusting motion yet often not enough needed to put us over the top.  Even though orgasm isn’t the goal in sex- pleasure is….. clitoral stimulation over 15 to 20 minutes time, often gets us there. Total body and genital stimulation helps women to orgasm 60+% of the time.  So Cam, be patient, vary stimulation/speed/lubrication and patiently wait for her big “O”.

2) How to Use your Fame to Select your Sexual Partners. The women will come in droves, many at the doorstep all ready.  Gaining a sexual partner will be as easy as pointing your finger. Selecting wisely and with safe sex strategies another.  When Favre metaphorically got in bed with Madden it drastically boosted his endorsement deals and widened his fan base- this strategy benefitted: player, product, and fan.  When you choose who to literally go to bed with, think about: their sexual history, sobriety, respect to all parties involved, safe sex, a person with both brains and beauty, and their motives. It may be fun just to have sex with the swarms of women that come your way without consideration for many of the above thoughts, yet unwise choices with unhealthy (emotionally &/or physically) people are very heavy. Select a bed partner that benefits: you, the sexual partner and your future.

3)Gain Credibility and Respect in the Bedroom. Self respect is the first step to gaining respect from others.  When one respects themselves they tend to make choices that reflect integrity and character.  Eliminate the B.S., don’t say ‘I love you’ or ‘I’ll call you’ unless you mean it; don’t make any false promises to the ladies. Make sure sexual behaviors are reciprocated….sex is only a one sided pleasure when masturbating.  Show selectiveness when choosing a sexual partner. Friends with benefits does exist yet you have to maintain the friends part or it just becomes a person to call for sex when interested.  Exhibit humbleness, I’m not saying don’t be proud of the sexual skills you’ve developed or not to acknowledge your physique yet do so in a humble manner. Ask a woman what she wants, sexually and afterwards. Always have safe sex, it respects both you and your sexual partner. Condoms may interfere with 100% penile sensation (giving you instead 90%) yet it feels a lot better than pissing fire when you have an STD or of course, having a life threatening illness-(HIV).   (I recommend Trojan Skyn or Durex extra sensitive for increased sensation)

4) Whether a QB or an Average Joe, Size only Says So Much: We hear a lot about the size of the male penis; it seems bigger is better. Yet this is not always the case.  When penises are too large they can create pain in the vagina and to the cervix and well as be almost impossible to place in your mouth-both in diameter and length. I have never heard a woman discuss the size of her vagina…I doubt women really even know the ‘average’ size of the vaginal canal.  Vaginas in their daily state are around 3 1/2 inches in length, once aroused they can expand up to 5 1/2 inches or so.  This mean that the man with a ‘reported’ 7 1/2″ penis, doesn’t even need 2 of those inches.  Typical penises are between 5 to 6 inches when erect.  It appears that the diameter/width of a penis is more related to pleasure due to the feeling of fullness women gain and enjoy.   5 1/2 inches is enough, the rest is for show.  Despite its size, its how you use it to both you and your partners satisfaction. My message to the men out there whether you are a large or small penis guy- enjoy and use what you have- stop comparisons, wrap it up, and get your game on!

5) The Spotlight can Light You Up or Burn You. Being in the position of a popular sports figure plus with the advantages of attractiveness, athleticism, and funds,  the opportunity to meet and date highly attractive females will come with relative ease.  When the spotlight is on, it is easy and without conscience attention to become a ego maniac- everyone loves me, I can get anything I want, I am invincible, bring it!  Well a part of it true, fans with love you, ladies will cling to you,your attractiveness is obvious, yet you will remain human and under scrutiny of the press.  As humans we all make mistakes, guaranteed. The unfortunate part of being in the spotlight is that everyone gets to see, hear or read about your mistakes both on and off the field.  Use your charm and skill to shine and humbleness to lessen the burn.

6)Sometimes  you Walk. Knowing when to walk away and doing it, is two different things. We often know when we are making unwise decisions in relationships or just in the bedroom and we frequently say ‘oh well, what the hell’, yet repeating this pattern will lead you to a dead end.  As a ‘cake eater’ myself meaning – I want my cake and eat it too- I can recognize the desires to gain, obtain, and experience.  Surprising as it may be, those that gain all their ‘wants/desires’ often report unhappiness and general dissatisfaction with life.  It appears that healthy limits and boundaries increase happiness!  So- not getting ‘everything’ we want benefits us. Learning when to walk away shows wisdom and can lead to a happier life.

7) Regular Sex is Good for your Health. Engaging in safe sex 3 or more times per week reduces your risk of heart attack and stroke by 50%!  Its boosts immunity 30%, improves circulation and sleep, burns calories and is fun. Ejaculating 5 times or more per week drastically reduces your risk for prostate cancer and is even linked to a longer life span.

8) Learning to Read others is  Challenging. Emotional IQ is just as, if not more so, important than intellectual IQ. Emotional Intellect is perceiving, using, understanding and regulating emotions in both ourselves and in others. Learning to read the defensive line in play can be difficult, now trying to read or better understand both yourself and others- thats a big challenge that takes time, insight, self awareness, and practice. This skill will not only benefit you as an athlete but also as a man. I recommend you accept this challenge.

9) Media’s pitfalls  Outside of the obvious  paparazzi, all eyes will be on you. That not only includes your performance on the field but off.  Easy ways to avoid pitfalls:  a.) no sex with underage girls          b.) no sex texting    c.)no penis pics       d.) don’t videotape yourself having sex or let others tape you     e.) don’t have sex with your friends woman or your household help  f.) manage your substance consumption so you don’t look like a drunken fool out on the town   g.) always use a condom to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STD’s  h.) don’t say you have tiger blood   i.) don’t refer to yourself in 3rd person …many more can be added to this list, but its a good starting point.

10) Maintaining Passion and Zest in your Relationships.  If you choose to engage in a monogamous relationship, it will have many rewards and some challenges, such as how to maintain passion in the bedroom.  There are many ways one can maintain or create passion in the bedroom: vary up sex,  enact or share fantasies, keep flirting, be a team player at home and contribute, date, prioritize, surprise, and… keep dating.  Women want sex, adventure, validation and a companion.

The list of 10 Tips from this “Sexual Mentor” can help you succeed in your own game. Enjoy the practice, suit up and PLAY!


STD’s everywhere??

I had the privilege of spending the weekend with some of my closest friends. During  dinner, my friends’ 13 year old son began discussing his middle school led sexual education program.  He noted the excessive focus that all sex leads to STD’s.  In a trumped up tone he exclaimed ‘what’s the big deal people, wear a condom!!!!’   What an excellent and easy solution! One can see in the chart below, Chlamydia and Gonorrhea are the top two STDs in the U.S.A and both preventible with effective condom use.

http://www.avert.org/std-statistics-america.htm

This chart leaves out a variety of other STD’s which are important to consider AND prevent, particularly HIV/AIDS:

According to the CDC in 2005,

  • There were more new diagnoses of HIV in individuals over 40 than in people under 40, but it was a close call.
  • Though blacks bear a disproportionate burden of HIV in the United States, whites and Hispanics accounted for approximately half of all new HIV diagnoses.
  • Heterosexual sex was responsible for twice as many new HIV cases as injection drug use.
  • Male-to-male sexual transmission was the source of approximately half of new reported HIV infections.
  • Approximately one quarter of all new infections occurred in women.

Fortunately with increased awareness, funding and treatment options, many are aware of the disease and its risks within the U.S., yet there are other STD’s that some may never of heard. Such as the two most common in women.

What would you guess is the most frequently transmitted STD in sexually active young women?

Trichomoniasis. The symptoms include a frothy discharge, strong vaginal odor, pain on intercourse, irritation and itching.
The other doozy in this bunch is, HPV. The Human Papilloma Virus is possibly the most common in all sexually active women.
“One 1997 study estimated that three-quarters of the sexually active population has had HPV at some point during their lives, and a study released in 2007 found that one-quarter of women are infected at any given time. HPV may be known as “the cervical cancer virus,” but only a few types of HPV are linked to cancer. Others cause genital warts, or no symptoms at all. Although HPV is considered incurable, its symptoms can be treated, and many people resolve infections on their own. Recently the government approved a new vaccine to protect young women from the four most common strains of the virus.”

‘There are more than 100 types of HPV, at least 30 of which are spread by sexual contact. HPV has been linked to certain types of skin cancers as well as: Throat, Penile, Cervical, and Anal.’

“More than 50 percent of sexually active adults are thought to be infected with at least one strain of the virus, and up to 80 percent of sexually active women will have been exposed to the virus by the time they turn 50.”

STD 101 by Elizabeth Boskey, PHD About.com

Since both Herpes and Genital Warts are skin to skin contact and an outbreak can cover all areas in the vulva, testicles, perineum and anus….it would seemingly require a full body condom to prevent transmission.

The question is: What increases my risks? What steps can one take to reduce the risks? Does all sex lead to STD’s?

Increased Risk:

Unprotected Sex.If you have unprotected sex with a partner who has chlamydia or gonorrhea, you have an 70-80% chance of contracting the STD.

Multiple Partners.

A history of more than one STD’s

Intoxication/Drug- Alcohol Use and Abuse and Injecting Drugs

Being a young female (young cervix/changing cells/increased risk of contracting STD’s)

Reduce the Risks:

Condoms!

Limit Partners

Don’t start so early….waiting can be worth it

Stay Sober and Healthy

Chances of contracting an STD:

Some statistics say 1 in 10 people have had an STD, another would quote 1 in 5. The real deal….not everyone has one, yet you need to behave as if they do.

Don’t be scared, be smart!

Respect your body, make healthy choices and also use condoms.

Lastly, enjoy. Sex can be a wonderful experience, just do it wisely.


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